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lofty
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« Reply #2281 on: August 12, 2012, 02:47:03 pm » |
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my army mate told me this one.
a coach on the way to the para olympic crashed.
it took 2 days to seperate the wreckage from the coach.
sorry to all offended.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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Dangermouse
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« Reply #2282 on: August 15, 2012, 11:06:56 pm » |
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7 Paralympian Wheelchair athletes have been banned after being discovered using WD40. For Sale on ebay, Victoria Pendleton's saddle. Bargain not to be sniffed at  |
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Did I just say that out loud?
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nickliv
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« Reply #2283 on: September 03, 2012, 10:03:50 pm » |
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Fred Budworth, the fearsome traffic warden from our town was taken ill last week and died. At the funeral, as his coffin was being lowered into the grave, there was a dreadful hammering and a banging from within... 'Let me out, let me out..I'm not dead.. I'm NOT DEAD'.
The vicar leans forwards and whispers.... 'Sorry mate, I've already started the paperwork..'
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If I had all the money I've ever spent on drink, I think on balance, I'd probably spend it on drink.
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Jules G
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« Reply #2285 on: September 21, 2012, 06:40:26 pm » |
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My life was in tatters because of my obsession with the Okey-Cokey.
But I turned myself around and that's what it's all about!
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Jules G
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« Reply #2286 on: September 22, 2012, 11:58:55 am » |
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Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow....
"Ooh!" Said the presenter, "this is a very rare breed, have you any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks” Paddy replied".
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Grand_Fromage
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« Reply #2287 on: September 22, 2012, 12:14:39 pm » |
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Here’s a picture of me with REM.... that’s me in the corner.
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Stu
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« Reply #2288 on: September 22, 2012, 01:35:40 pm » |
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If you had to choose between your wife and winning the lottery...What kind of car would you buy first?
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BigH
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« Reply #2289 on: September 24, 2012, 12:51:19 pm » |
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Here’s a picture of me with REM.... that’s me in the corner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj_F9yRpx_MI know, it's cruel to laugh... H |
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Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves...
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Brian(Liverpool boys)
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« Reply #2290 on: September 26, 2012, 08:42:55 pm » |
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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
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To make your dreams come true, you have to stay awake.
More Low Flyer's anyone.
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Jules G
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« Reply #2291 on: September 28, 2012, 12:20:49 pm » |
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Q: What's the difference between Stevie Wonder and Jeremy Forrest?
A: Jeremy Forrest only has one Łu<ke9 pupil.
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landman
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« Reply #2292 on: September 28, 2012, 08:56:30 pm » |
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What do you get when you add 30 and 15 together?
A European arrest warrant.
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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Dangermouse
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« Reply #2293 on: September 28, 2012, 09:08:59 pm » |
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Who would be a School Teacher eh? One day you're taking the register and the next day you're on it  |
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Did I just say that out loud?
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Jules G
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« Reply #2294 on: September 28, 2012, 11:33:13 pm » |
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30yr old maths teacher takes 15yr old student 100 miles to France at an average speed of 35mph. How many years will he spend in prison?
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