Club Arnage

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new, American style “drive-through” cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine.

MALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down the window of your car
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
6 Turn the radio down
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12 Enter PIN
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make up
20 Drive forwards two metres
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Give appropriate one fingered hand signal to irate male drivers’ queuing behind
25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
26 drive for two to three miles
27 Release handbrake


Apologies to Fran, Piglet, RS2 Babe etc.  :-*

(http://dfh.vandijkonline.net/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif)

You forgot the kerb alloy wheel get out and kick it  ;D

.....or the blame your male passenger because it must be his fault anyway!! 

Or are these just me?  ;D

 ;D

Do you know that in the US these drive-up ATM's have braille signals on all the keys??

That is even dumber than the female procedure ::)

Thats the reason for the rumble strip white lines on the edge of the motorway too. ;D
t.

But it doesn't have to be the driver thats using the ATM...

So true, So true, I wish it wasn't so, JP. :o

So the driver pulls up to the DRIVE-THROUGH ATM and stops the car. The blind passenger gets out of the car and feels their way round to the driver's side where the machine is then withdraws their money using the braille information on the keys. Then they go back round and get into the car and it drives off?

Not really the idea of a drive-through is it  ::)

Or if they are sat in the back of a four door car they just wind the window down and reach out...

I think you'll find that our cash points have brail on them too....

I think if there was Braille on road signs then we would have reason to worry!

Glad to receive your apology at least JPC!!

I am sure that the male version is missing a small section where they drive up at excessive speed, skid on the brakes having overshot the machine and have to reverse back again using elbows to steer cos with one hand they are chatting on the mobile with their mates organising where they are meeting up for a beer (hence the need for more cash) and with the other they are already sticking their hand out with the card over eager as always to "slip it in the slot"...  ;)

In any event this whole scenario is unlikely to apply to me cos I am not one of those lazy gits that cant walk to a cash point!  Whatever next, a drive thru gym?!!!

 ::)

 :-* :-* :-*

Apologies to Fran, Piglet, RS2 Babe etc.  :-*

You don't need to apologise to me JP - that is the script exactly. The very first drive through ATM was in fact in Liverpool! It was at Midland Bank in Bootle if I recall correctly.

The same kind of thing happens when you come to pay for petrol in France - very awkward when you have the RHD and not the LHD voiture at the time.

See you soon.

luv

RS2 babe
 :-* :-*

I like the idea of a drive thru gym

I must say, the Australian drive-thru bottle shops are a great idea too!!!

Why don't we have them over here??

I get dissapointed when things are written in braille because I can't read them.
How do braille traffic lights work?
If a blind person with pins and needles in their fingers  a bit like dyslexia?



I'll get my coat.

Did you hear about the beer mats in Braille.

It was so that they could be read by the blind drunk.