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Leftie
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« Reply #1875 on: April 25, 2009, 11:37:25 pm » |
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What three ships left Southampton never to return?
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The Titanic
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The Premiership
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The Championship.
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At my age, it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, growing old is compulsary, but growing up is just optional.
I don't do GREEN, I've got a 4x4
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landman
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« Reply #1876 on: April 26, 2009, 11:11:57 am » |
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As an almost resident of Southampton, and a some time supporter of Saints FC, I find that joke to be in poor taste . . . . . . . . . . . . But still very amusing & so I will be passing it on to a few die hard supporters who reside in my contacts list  |
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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Leftie
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« Reply #1877 on: April 26, 2009, 10:37:30 pm » |
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As an almost resident of Southampton, and a some time supporter of Saints FC, I find that joke to be in poor taste
I'm a Pompey fan and I laughed Part time accommodation in Emsworth. |
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« Last Edit: April 26, 2009, 10:42:06 pm by Leftie »
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At my age, it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, growing old is compulsary, but growing up is just optional.
I don't do GREEN, I've got a 4x4
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Douglas
CA Veteran
Full Member
 Offline
Posts: 176
Cum on hear de noyse!
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« Reply #1878 on: April 26, 2009, 10:45:15 pm » |
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Warm in Pompey today,
apparently it was ten degrees cooler in Southampton!
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Leftie
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« Reply #1879 on: April 26, 2009, 10:49:19 pm » |
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At my age, it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, growing old is compulsary, but growing up is just optional.
I don't do GREEN, I've got a 4x4
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enzo
CA Veteran
Sr. Member
Offline
Posts: 353
!!!
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« Reply #1880 on: April 27, 2009, 12:02:44 pm » |
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Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:
My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs
that
you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with
you
and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter,
I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn
Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter
on
the dining room table:
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your
honesty
about my being 54 years old... I would like to take this opportunity
to
remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths
teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the
Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the
assistant
tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18
years
old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths,
you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with
one
small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into
18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
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"The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It's nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It's about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom."
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termietermite
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« Reply #1881 on: April 28, 2009, 01:50:33 pm » |
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A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot.
There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.
As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later the man was walking through Birmingham zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail.
The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.
The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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"I couldn't sleep very well last night. Some noisy buggers going around in automobiles kept me awake." Ken Miles
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Christopher
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« Reply #1882 on: April 30, 2009, 09:10:46 am » |
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I just called the swine flu helpline... ...but all I heard was crackling.  |
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Le Mans is for the week......not just 24hrs!
When life throws you lemons, bring out the tequila!!
Vodka! Cheaper than Botox and paralyses more muscles!
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Doris
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« Reply #1883 on: April 30, 2009, 09:51:17 am » |
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Dx
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Live imperfectly and with great delight.
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Steve Pyro
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« Reply #1884 on: April 30, 2009, 10:05:22 am » |
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Steve  East Anglian cobras 
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Dangermouse
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« Reply #1885 on: April 30, 2009, 06:29:52 pm » |
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Did I just say that out loud?
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stuey
CA Veteran
Jr. Member
Offline
Posts: 83
I'm a llama!
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« Reply #1886 on: April 30, 2009, 07:34:30 pm » |
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Cause of swine flu outbreak found!
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« Last Edit: April 30, 2009, 07:47:27 pm by stuey »
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Papa Eric
CA Veteran
Full Member
Offline
Posts: 174
Team Eric
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« Reply #1887 on: May 01, 2009, 02:23:58 am » |
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A Little Austrian Town
The newspaper article below is even funnier than the sign
Are the residents called F*ckers?
What are the mothers called?
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your F*cking friend.
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Lord Pig-Pen
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« Reply #1888 on: May 01, 2009, 11:15:25 pm » |
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I just called the swine flu helpline... ...but all I heard was crackling. Beat me to it! |
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What do you mean dust?.... Thats not dust, this is dust! Ich Habe Honda S2000 and its not mine!
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Lord Pig-Pen
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« Reply #1889 on: May 01, 2009, 11:22:46 pm » |
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A Little Austrian Town
The newspaper article below is even funnier than the sign
Are the residents called F*ckers?
What are the mothers called?
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your F*cking friend.
Thats a 'king classic. Must dig out my pics of a road near Santa Pod called Bell End |
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What do you mean dust?.... Thats not dust, this is dust! Ich Habe Honda S2000 and its not mine!
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