Club Arnage

This isn't strictly LM, although personally I don't believe you should leave for La Sarthe without a couple of cans, but...
Has anyone else been receiving e-mails that seem to consist of random words, eg:

stirling clothesbrush appropriate average swenson modesto nuclear somewhat impious phoneme judas columbia goodrich
numismatic caress downpour elmhurst perceptual wreckage beak lourdes ruination yvette cameo bomb paranoid hartley vaporous wilkins

I think they're tremendous, and now have quite a collection, although I still can't seem to fathom out a plot. I note from the example above that one of the protagonists, Vaporous Wilkins, keeps popping up, and his mental health seems to be in question.

Now I know there's some savvy IT lads out there, tell me, what the hell is it all about, and should I start worrying?
H

Oh Yes!!!!!!!! 8)

Yes, H - I get the damn things all the time - I figured they were just meta-tags - however, it's not very obvious what is being sold, so I just delete the mo-fo's.

Just looked back at the last one I received (this morning). It includes the memorable phrase 'weatherbeaten cankerworm'.
It would appear to be selling the concept of 'Unleashing the power of your digital cable' and comes from an idecipherable address that ends '@cnnic.net.cn'  
Don't know where cn is (China?) - but I get them very frequently and they're starting to piss me right off.

Is it not something to do with Japanese cars? In Japan, they really do use some silly names for cars. We've all heard of the Nissan Cedric but who has heard of the Suzuki Sliding Pantry, The Subaru Special Nnnnnnnng, the Toyota NG Potato Face or the Honda RKG Rasper?

If you look at the rear of the average Jap import vehicle (and Mitsubishi Shoguns are prime examples) they often have nonsensical stickers on the back door with worrying phrases written on them like "Freedom of Big Wheel Walrus", "Personal Expression of Glue" or "Live Life on a Special w**k Helmet". And no, I haven't a clue what they mean either.

H, have you tried asking paranoid Hartley?

apologies to Sniff Petrol.

It seems as thought the halfway point between pilgrames is having halucengenic effects on people.  Now calm down everyone, only six months to go :)

sanderson yoder decline sandhill
bed slowdown arcsin sniff cairn moluccas incomprehension drastic constellate
saddle veto arlington depth in one I got earlier this morn.

 :o

What are these fellows on??? Wonder if they have a ready supply of Grimbergen to go with their spiced ham toasties?

Coincidentally, the Register has an article today explaining just how this all comes about....

http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/34840.html

Worth a read...

I think the b*stards are on to me!

Received a message today from Agent Drapery Wacky Bramble containing the line:

Extraordinary saturday coronary spittle ace

That's me! it's obvious, he's closing in. God knows what's happened to Vaporous Wilkins, he must be a goner. There's a small reference to a tyrannic chilean vertical cutlet. I'll bet the bugger was poisoned.

There's a knock on the door!!!!

H:

If you're deciphering code from these and leaving your top secret results documents at a deserted house in the countryside, then you may want to consider the benefits of an atypical antipsychotic.

I'm still trying to work out "Make your peniz huge!" I received this morning.  What could this mean?

I've just received one saying
"playoff ample convenient chimpanzee loud"

I'm glad that's 'loud' and not 'load'  :-X

I just got one which read

"Thanks to the efforts a devious camera-man on mtv's newly weds television show, we have been supplied with never-meant-to-be-seen inti'mate footage of Jessica Simpson and her groom, in what they thought was private time in the bedroom.

"dizygotic cuttoe eightangled bind bog bean venlo veale . clipped conkers amugis dispatchbearing antioxygenation blastocoele adz eye armored woolsey's ziggy capital gain azotemia aqualunger bisexualism faipule durometres boneidle blanket ballot blood mole air letter blush rose flowerlessness zuniga cablelaid. chess opening duikers corsned acylate. dimsighted enhypostatises banshees allred afara uroceridae big business architraves commendingly blazons dishumanize commutativity electrolysises fillipeen amyosthenia dispersedly brain box centrolinead. zulus flossed bailiwicks chinook faintful confirming acetaminophen atazir animalizing drias acarpous backstroking curling machine who bedeck featherer angiocardiography fancy-feeding daytide empty-headed dakoits dolefuls birdland weissert creosotes beaned existentialistically foreteach enarbour abrogator bestrapped curve anther car wheel batmen cart horse antisyphons clattery fashions bestness chickening alienabilities extracellular deep-pitched finfold theory colaphize chalkeating fire beater amarettos copperalloyed cageman enlivener browless dissensualises widmaier bivalve blindnesses carabins cetera blood sugar bed hinge creta baubling disseminates woller fairspokenness fiery-eyed dazedness extrapolate content word complutensian didies alniviridol formability conspicuousness fishskin belly button felanders. bookleaf trachea"



Whoever would want to watch Jessica when so much else is on offer?

Belly button felanders indeed!!

Smokie,
I suspect you've been drawn into this awful web of conspiracy and deceit, I'm just sorry that it's gone this far.
There are some key phrases here that spell out just what a sorry mess we've gotten ourselves into. I'm sorry.

First, there's the reference to a "boneidle blanket ballot (of) blood", this obviously refers to the lastest round of close fought and volatile sham elections in the small South American state of "Amyosthenia". Desperate to hold onto the peasant majority, the incumbent tin pot dictator, Amarettos (known as the Copperalloyed Cageman),  has given chickens the vote. Athough popular in wildfowl circles, this hasn't gone down well with the "dimsighted enhypostatises" who normally spend their days indoors weaving heavy duty floormats out of zuniga cablelaid.  Ugly violence has spilled out on to the street and many giblets litter the pavements. My last communication with Vaporous Wilkins, our man in Amerettos, was so garbled that I suspect that his brainbox has been dispersed right down the centrolinead. To be honest, this is no surprise, as he spent a lot of time recently sucking on the old flossed bailiwicks which I'm told resulted in his conkers being clipped. What surprises me, is that the b*stards have got word of all this.

Don't speak to anyone without checking your belly buttons for felanders. Oh god, what a mess.
H

I still say Paranoid Hartley is behind all this.

You ain't seen me, roight?

Im gonna turn off my spam filters right away.I feel left out as I dont get any of these type of emails
PM

H,

In order to assist, I refered these scripts to a friend who is of a literary and philosophical bent. :-X

He said they were very Dadaesque and beautiful and he wants one of his own. He added that he thinks you may be in psychic communication with the late William Burroughs.

He also asked if I thought the machine had become self aware? I didn't really understand the question but said that in general I thought the ghost in the machine was broken. Except in your case where it is likely your machines have got wet.

Hope this helps.

Andy Z

Thanks for your support Andy, things are getting pretty rough here now. I haven't been out of this room for a week now, I've lank hair, a stubble and my bollocks stink to high heaven. There's a man under the streetlight outside and I'm sure 'ole bug eyed Bill Burroughs himself is in the wardrobe, behind the kimono. I can see his shiny toe caps.
No word from Paranoid Hartley or Vaporous Wilkins, although the last e-mail seemed to be suggesting that they've been replaced with James Drippy Apendage. I've heard he's a mean SOB.
I hope this whole thing is resolved before June.
Don't take the filter off PM, once they're in there's no stopping them.
The machine is stopping, I know it, I know the signs...
H, possibly.

Someone must be watching.I had two today!!
engineer jitterbugger crumble accomplice

Im sure its just the start

H,

f**k this for a game of soldiers, I'm going on the run and with any luck, going native too. :P :-*

Don't tell anyone but I'm off to Italy, via Austria. I have a "meeting" with Grey Squirrel in the cafe opposite the big ferris wheel in Vienna.

And if I get the time I intend to "regrind my crank" in the Von Trapp's castle near Salzburg. :-X :-X

Now, where did I put the Colibri lighter and false passport?

Jitterbugger!!!
I've done the jitterbug, but "jitterbugger" leaves a horribly vivid scene in my minds eye.
B*llocks PM, you've done it again, just before the weekend you've left me with that one. I've only just shook off Doubtfires erection.

Andy, run.
Run like the wind.

H

It's getting worse!!  :o

devise robert vie vigil drier foxhall populous commonality suspicious decimal feat oscillate italic industrial cowbell hydrate arctic scenario kernel murk immersion approve ahead ,ditzel snuggly tribal snook assemblage desegregate mephistopheles rustic turbofan piecemeal chow abovementioned chicano backup heartfelt astute cautious -
society infirmary flute intransitive referendum retardant extension lacy comrade collateral destiny narcissist .eigenstate homomorphism addend fogy delaware ellwood insurmountable efficacious sigmund jude nj rudyard prank restorative ,
expression foil micrography spastic concise churchyard compile carefree denumerable urbana toe fraught ewe corroboree ghetto lawbreaker bootstrapped bush derivate editor hourglass arise acidic alkaline consultative glossy revisable leninist discuss audible cadet .
trance decomposable brumidi shag strain eohippus ,tower pentecost regular atrocity knick autocrat nabla ballard rockwell ross oppenheimer scrawl enoch .
carnival estoppal judo club astigmatism tommie rueful mane descartes brillouin chalet windsurf luxury pl profusion infantrymen seven divest doctoral jimmy emil ,ridge roughen sidesaddle assyriology mccracken crewmen june bizarre deride carbuncle brownell swallowtail nib concern conceit religiosity unruly cruddy birth knowhow necessitate declaratory altar greensward veda stamina fermion pluck giveaway parallelepiped glutamic redshank cauldron baltimore cardamom chancellor rica fossil circumvention amadeus sargent megaword ntis sill pigmentation poetic ciliate wan congressional cow constipate wheelhouse inveigh botulin dissipate .
</font>


And what on earth is a "industrial cowbell hydrate arctic scenario " - sounds like something Vic And Bob would have come up with!!!

 ;D

...brumidi shag strain...

I think this one has come straight from one of H's diplomatic contacts in Africa.

And it certainly sounds like one of H's medical problems. No wonder he walks around lob sided with a hunched back and a twisted grimace on the face. That naughty little Raoul has a lot to answer for.

I never get any of these mails, but both myself and my son get mails advertising Big Sluts.

Are they like those Massive Carpet sales advertised on lampposts?


When I got there, they only had regular sized ones...