If I'm lucky and Master's out with 'the boys'...

Wax? Gaffer tape? Screwfix? Ginger? Sounds like my ideal night in!

Humblest apologies for my glaring error - am I to lock myself into the cock harness and wait for Lord Pig Pen to return?

Can't have been me Master, he said 'average size'.

  I had to retreat to a dark corner after that incident and spend several hours thrashing around with the asphyxiation helmet on just to calm myself down. It didn't work. Might have to resort to cutting it off altogether - thanks girls! 

My main hose sustained a certain amount of chafing.

Most kind, all of you. Alas, no joy so far - I couldn't make any sense of Fagey's suggestion so I just stuck a steel rod up there as it sounded good, think I might have killed the chicken with it though.
I'm pretty sure vqdave's suggestion would have worked, but I'm no longer married.
As for the dyson neilsie, I can't thank you enough for that one. Still no sign of the chicken, but I did manage to retrieve several golf balls,a guppy fish, 5 metres of hosepipe and a freemans catalogue. The satisfaction was almost overwhelming!!

Without going into too much detail (after all I'd like to think this is a family forum), I have a pressing dilemma which has arisen from last night's impromptu game of "hide the live chicken", and am almost at a loss with regard to 'uninstalling' said poultry.

Suggestions please...

I'm thinking Hilary... or maybe Barbara...

I seem to remember several at the Poo Bar, that was definately the funniest evening!
 

 ;DLOL

Nothing of the sort I'm afraid H, that ain't nothin but fishnet, real leather and a complete set of dangleys.

Well, almost...

 
Great memories Werner, I still haven't washed you know!

 

 

One big Thank You to all of you who humoured me at the weekend, you'll nevr know how much I got out of so many different reactions.

Sorry if I frightened anyone - one or two of the screams will haunt me for years to come, and I thought the mask might actually stop people running away from me...

But U can't have everything, and I certainly had a blinder at Le Mans coupled with chronic diahorriarhay, so all things considered I'm a very happy gimp.

 

Somebody likes me!!!

Watch out RS2 Babe, the gimp might just put in a special performance next year - just for you...

Following on from our conversation, I also have some nunchakas and a 10 year old jar of beef paste... What do you think?

Uuurrrrrrgghh!! xx