Congratulations and Comiserations Dave.  

This years LM plans have also gone pear shaped for me (due 2nd June) and one of the other crew members.

Best mate sarted laughing hystericalywhen told as i had taken the p1ss for a years when he sucumbed to his wifes demands for an MPV. With number 3 on the way I fear it may be inevitable.  Still my wife has ok'd the purchase order for a 944T

or this...........

http://www.elek.bydg.pl/flash/pingwin1/

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

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I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Dave'

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

http://www.pistonheads.com/members/showCar.asp?carId=4447

guess he soon forgot about the rugby

There's a Space Shuttle mission with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.

The NASA headquarters in Houston calls the shuttle after
exiting the Earth's atmosphere:

"Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 go to the television screen."
The monkey moves to the screen and sits down. He is told to:

"Release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature
in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors.

So the monkey makes the necessary pressure, temperature changes,
and releases the oxygen

A few moments later Houston calls again:

"Monkey number 2, Monkey number 2 go to the television screen."
The monkey moves to the screen and sits down. He is told to:

"Add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3,
to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyse the solar
radiation.

So the monkey makes the necessary carbon dioxide and fuel changes, adds
the nitrogen and does the analysis of the solar radiation.

A little later on, Houston calls again:

"Woman, woman please approach the television screen."
The woman moves to the screen and sits down and just as she
is about to be told what to do she says.....


"I know, I know!! Feed the monkeys, and don't touch a f*cking thing."

Portuguese stadium officials have announced that David Beckham's voice is going to be used to make all stadium announcements at England's Euro 2004 matches.

 

A spokesman said, "We heard he comes over the PA really well."

First time - awesome!

Highlights were:-

Lift to Arnage from campsite - 10 in a disco

Lift to Arnage from Le mans old town including impromtu lap of the track - 6 in a Nissan Bluebird - big thanks to the photographer bloke from Studio 21

Gordon sleeping through impromtu lap of the track

Watching the race at tetre rouge on saturday night

Managing to get all the way in to the paddock on Sunday with general admission tickets

Getting soaked in champers under the podium gantry

Burn outs in Arnage on sunday (much more fun than the footy)

150 on the way home