PENDING MARRIAGE


My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and commit my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car........

 

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat.
The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look:
"That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.
 'Thanks,' says the little girl.
The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.
 'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'
The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:
'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f**king siren, would I?'

Termie, sounds a good offer Termie , please pm your details.

Jules G

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in
>>front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got
>>out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off
>>the driver's door.
>>Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the
>>accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But,
>>before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started
>>screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked
>>up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the
>>same, no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.
>>After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his
>>head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you
>>lawyers are,"
>>he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the
>>most important things in life."
>>"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
>>The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing?
>>It
>>got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"
>>"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer.
>>
>>(scroll down)
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>>
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>>
>>
>>"MY ROLEX!"

Paddy, Just tickets have a list running for those wish to book for 09. They are not yet taking deposits but will be shortly.

I have heard they have sold their allocation for 08

Darwin 2007 Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us, who've done their bit for the human species by removing themselves from contention in it. 
Here is the glorious winner:

 1.      When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. 

 And now, the honourable mentions:
 2.      The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

 3.      A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 4.      After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 5.      An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 6.      A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

 7.      Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the  would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

 8.      As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
 
9.      The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

(*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)

 10.  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Excellent 

Jules G is leaving Chester

RV in Cambs and a night in Dover.

Speedferries in the morning 07:00

Byeeeeeee

[Fully agree to that! "No shagging in September" has also been my motto]

Simon in our group has withdrawn from the festivities this am even though the O/H had given him a pass out , he under instructions to make sure new born does not arrive this weekend, so he'll be waiting on her

Thanks for the update Knetter, lets see what it's like on Wednesday lunch time

Across the pond

Thanks to all the post ref cameras and memory chips , its been an invaluable source of information and I am now the proud owner of a Canon 400d Sigma 70-300 lense and associated goodies. 

Who said Brits Aren't Romantic?

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top Notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me grannie's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter wot you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the racing’s on
And fetch another beer

Could anybody offer some pearls of wisdom on the merits of Tamrom 55 - 200 lense's when coupled to a canon 400d. The  canon equivalent lense knocks the price up a bit

Ta muchly.

Jules

What about asking those with tickets posting in sell or swap area to pay an admin fee to CA for the posting.  There is always a lot of additional traffic at this time of year compaired to the pistonheads and beermountain
forums.