Andy,
I read your post with a grim expression, nodding sagely. It's a sad tale alright, but reading between the lines I can tell that special warmth of brotherly love has not left Chez Zarse. He's a very lucky man...
I must admit though, the state of the bogs on the nations motorways has always perplexed me. 'Spread and scatter' is normally a term reserved for military usage, but there are some fantastic textbook examples and many (presumably) psychedelic driven specimens in plenty evidence in the 'restrooms'of the A1. Not to mention "carpet bombing". In fact, "restroom" seems a bit of a misnomer if you ask me, you're not going to get a coating of the processed remains of last nights cod, chips and picalilli on the ceiling and adjacent fixtures by having a rest. I'd say some poisoned runaway from the Cirque-du-Soleil must top the list of suspected culprits. Some of these places even have signs saying "Toilet of the Week" for Gods sake.
These thoughts, and your poor brothers unfortunate experience brings us round to natures design flaw here. There's just no rearward vision, God and his pearly design dept. have let us down badly on this one, even the boys at Morgan would have come up with something. A macro eyeball in a buttock (which would, I suppose, need a bifocal monacle as we grew older), or the biologically evolved equivalant of some of those reversing sensors would do the trick. Once, when preparing for a "sit-down" I'm absolutely sure a big bluebottle flew out of my ar**hole. - A little disconcerting, I think you'll agree, and although I'm 99% sure about it, I really would have liked to have been the complete 100% before going to see my GP about it.
H