Smokie,
I may have the answer, it's not quite as hi-tech as a stinking sphincter, but it may do the trick.
Stand on a soap box in the Village, with a sandwich board saying 'Club Arnage', and a megaphone. Punters could take deli style tickets from rolls marked 'General Discussion' etc, you then let the crowd have it at full volume with the discussion point or query.
The answers and replies, or just plain abuse, can be posted (via the megaphone) in the Champers bar around midnite Saturday.
How do you think the internet got started?
H