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jpchenet
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« Reply #285 on: February 08, 2005, 05:10:33 pm » |
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Bloody Brilliant!! Must remember those lyrics for Karaoke! |
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Barry
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« Reply #287 on: February 08, 2005, 06:41:46 pm » |
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Chris (Liverpool Boys)
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« Reply #288 on: February 09, 2005, 09:39:40 am » |
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extremely funny
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Bring on the low flyers
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Bob U
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« Reply #289 on: February 09, 2005, 10:03:57 am » |
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Kin brilliant, best one so far this year
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There is a corner of a foreign field that will be forever England ------ Houx Annexe
And the bastards have built on it.
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Steve Pyro
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« Reply #290 on: February 09, 2005, 11:17:02 am » |
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A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in."
So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head,lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were Going to look after me."
“I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f**k*ng menthol"
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Steve  East Anglian cobras 
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Chris (Liverpool Boys)
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« Reply #291 on: February 09, 2005, 01:07:21 pm » |
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saw that coming
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Bring on the low flyers
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Ballast
CA Veteran
Full Member
 Offline
Posts: 158
DON'T PANIC
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« Reply #292 on: February 09, 2005, 01:53:38 pm » |
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« Last Edit: February 09, 2005, 01:58:05 pm by TheFatLad »
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There is an art, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss!
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Abs
CA Veteran
Sr. Member
Offline
Posts: 450
Boys at TVR do it again!
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« Reply #293 on: February 09, 2005, 04:25:13 pm » |
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Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing
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Bob U
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« Reply #294 on: February 09, 2005, 04:36:12 pm » |
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Thanks for that Fat Lad, this f***ing song has been in my head since I first heard it. I just know I will be awake half the night with the bloody thing going round and round and driving me mad. Already it is worse than that shite song that squeeky voiced tosser Joe Pisskwali used to sing. Cheers mate |
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There is a corner of a foreign field that will be forever England ------ Houx Annexe
And the bastards have built on it.
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Ballast
CA Veteran
Full Member
Offline
Posts: 158
DON'T PANIC
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« Reply #295 on: February 09, 2005, 05:56:54 pm » |
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lol - Glad I could be of help Bob  |
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There is an art, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss!
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Abs
CA Veteran
Sr. Member
Offline
Posts: 450
Boys at TVR do it again!
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« Reply #296 on: February 10, 2005, 11:01:52 am » |
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This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly
natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them
out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put
the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and ! all the spare parts and
a malicious thought came to her. She took &! gt;the bowl and went upstairs
where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed
covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and
"I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farti ng my guts
out, and today it finally happened.... But by the grace of God, some
Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
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Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing
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Bobblehat
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« Reply #297 on: February 10, 2005, 11:17:20 am » |
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After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the kerb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver (wishing he'd never gone to work that morning).
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel and further regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 125 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and twenty five.
"So bust him," says The Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that," said the cop, "he's really important."
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!!"
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jpchenet
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« Reply #298 on: February 11, 2005, 10:40:16 am » |
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Bob U
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« Reply #299 on: February 11, 2005, 10:57:34 am » |
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Well they made me laugh!!
Me too |
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There is a corner of a foreign field that will be forever England ------ Houx Annexe
And the bastards have built on it.
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