Haynes

[gibberish]

I just caught sight of the Sun newspaper on a colleagues desk.  Headline says that haynes have produced a manual about sex

Someone please tell me they are joking, or I'm seeing things, or something...............PLEASE

[Ruptured Duck Motorsport]

No joke....

Haynes own site - section on the new manual

The SEX Manual - Sex and cars have been inextricably linked for years, and it will come as no surprise that a large proportion of all sex takes place in cars. So what is more logical than a Sex manual from Haynes?

[Robbo SPS]

I always thought they got a car / engine / bike stripped it and then toojk photos of bits you never see, write about them being really easy to undo and put back together properly.

How on earth do they do that with a woman  

[Mr. Rick]

I always thought they got a car / engine / bike stripped it and then toojk photos of bits you never see, write about them being really easy to undo and put back together properly.

How on earth do they do that with a woman  

Exactly Robbo, it's not quite the manual I was after (I'm married after all and have no use for a sex guide), more like the "Wife" manual would be useful. Does anyone know how they work?

 

[gibberish]

Oh bugger, I'm still pi**ing myself at this quote'

"As you would expect from Haynes, this manual contains detailed explanations of how the relevant parts work and fit together, what happens if they don't, and what you can do about it. "

sheer genius

[mgmark]

How on earth do they do that with a woman

They can't - there will always be odd important looking bits left over, the purpose of which will either be unfathomable or redundant.

more like the "Wife" manual would be useful. Does anyone know how they work?

I gave up on trying to unravel the complexities and variables of this area a loonnnnggggg time ago - the ultimate Sisyphean task.   As for a manual, it would be inaccurate within 5 minutes of publication....

[Ruptured Duck Motorsport]

I think even Haynes would have to stop at doing a manual for "woman"  

[gibberish]

As for a manual, it would be inaccurate within 5 minutes of publication....

Ah, so true  

[Rhino]

Do you think they will star each task for difficulty, and what tools will you need?

[jpchenet]

Will they recommend where you can obtain a new tool???

Oh no, I already get plenty of spam emails offering that  

[Steve Pyro]

Will they recommend where you can obtain a new tool???

Or specialist equipment like those for sale in Ann Summers and other reputable Soho establishments?

[Stu]

How on earth do they do that with a woman  

This ones going to show how to screw the arse of a woman.

[Mr. Rick]

...... other reputable Soho establishments?

Used to go to Soho a lot when I lived "darn sowf".

And before you all start, it was to go to see bands at the Marquee in Wardour Street (before it moved to Charing Cross Road).

One night, me and a mate were on our way back to his car up by Centrepoint and had just left the Marquee when we were apporached by this lovely young thing asking if we were interested in girls, to which we obviously replied a resounding "yes", she then proceeded to try to convince us to go back to her flat to see her friends, at which point we remembered whereabouts in London we were and politley declined.

We carried on and talked about it deciding that she was far too sweet a thing to be caught up in all this nasty business and decided to go back to try to talk her out of it and to come home with us!!! Couldn't find her. We have never forgiven ourselves!!  

[jpchenet]

Something tells me your first impressions were probably right Rick!!

Either that or her boyfriend and ten mates were waiting there to mug you!!

[Mr. Rick]

It was the two slappers hanging out of the window and waving at us that rather gave it away!!