Blimey, it's getting all exciting...
I'm nearly done now, and hope you guys are getting there too, I've even given the car a polish. In a direct contradiction to BMW's research, the Jaguar handbook of 1958 says that final buffing is best done with the pubic hairs of a virgin, and I must say it's scrubbed up rather well. The spec is a bit vague when it gets around to the virgin bit though. I mean, I'm sure the old spinstery woman who checks my books out at the village library is a virgin, but there's no way I'm going down there with a pair of shears, even with Saveloys library card. Fortunately, cleaning the chrome work is a little more straightforward. I can't wait to sneak my b*llocks out of my shorts and rest them on the leather squabs (tip: if you ever do this, and you should, don't do it if the car's been parked in the sun for an hour or two, all hell breaks loose and quite frankly the explanations at Casualty cut no mustard)
The chilli is prepared and in the freezer, all 20 litres of it. I heard from Kate Knockers on the local travel bullettin that the mushroom cloud where my kitchen used to be is visible from Berkshire.
My piles have been behaving themselves pretty well recently, and although they could be trying the old 'false sense of security' trick, I'm confident that only a litre of my Preparation H, Anusol, morphine and Red Bonnet Pepper cocktail will suffice. Anyway, if I've any left over, I can put it in the chilli.
Ooooh, I can't wait. Brian, Ian, Chris, and anyone else leaving soon, have a good journey.
H
