Xmas lights

[monkey]

Look I know this is going to upset a lot of you, but I really enjoy Christmas. I enjoy seeing my family and my wife’s family. I enjoy the food and drink. I enjoy Coronation Street and all the films that are on that might be about war or mass murder, but get wheeled out as they feature a Christmas tree in the second scene. Mince pies, carol singers, Charles Dickens, ice skating, two weeks off work not having to worry about what is going on in my absence, because the whole place is shut down,  the open fire, Slade, Wizard the Pogues, my son back from university, walking the dog, hangovers, hare of the dog, drinking fizzy wine at 9am. Full English breakfasts, not having to shave, sleeping til I wake up. Locking out the world and tedious tales of global warming and political correctness mass murder and f+cking suicide bombers. New socks and jumpers, lots of football and of course the thought that we are half way back to Le Mans. Come guys it’s all so simple to hate it, make a bit of an effort and you might just enjoy yourselves a bit, oh and you might just be a little bit more fun to be with. Have a good one. Monkey

PS sorry to see that the interweb police have closed down the advent calendar, I was enjoying that!!

[Mr. Invincible Mou]

PS sorry to see that the interweb police have closed down the advent calendar, I was enjoying that!!

 

Shame..

Still, the 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005 ones still work 

I shall leave it to you to work out how to view them 

[Neal]

I'm with Monkey on this one. 2 weeks off work

[nopanic - neil]

I think there are people out there who are trying to stop christmas   

[Bob U]

Alternative Christmas songs.


Satan Claws Is Coming To Slay You*

You'd better watch out, you'd better shut your mouth, you'd better hide out, you'd better crawl under your couch.

Satan Claws is coming to slay you.

Oh, he's makin' a list, of everything you do, he's thinkin of the ways he's gonna get you,

Satan Claws is coming to slay you.

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he's big, he's bad, he's hard to kill, so get a wooden stake.

Oh, he's makin' you wish, you'd never been born, he's got an evil laugh and he deserves your scorn,

Satan Claws is coming to slay you.



*Rudolph Flips Out*


Rudolph the Red Nose raindeer,

had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

you would even say it glows.

All of the other raindeer,

used to LAUGH and call him NAMES.

They wouldn't LET poor Rudolph,

join in any raindeer GAMES.

Then one frosty Christmas eve,

Rudolph lost it.

He could'nt take anymore of the torment and humiliation.

The intolerance and critisism of his unique feature.

A life of pain and anguish, a life of hell, needed to end. And Rudolph had to end it.

Yes, he did polish his horns that night.

The spell of RAGE and INSANITY overtook him for several hours.


He went in to Santa's house....and yes, he did lash him with his own whip.

The whip that had been used on poor Rudolph so many times before.

This man who had allowed all the abuse by the other raindeer to go on for all these years.

He needed to pay.

And Rudolph took him out.

Along with several Elves, who tried to thwart him.

Then Rudolph grabbed Santa's semi-automatic, "special toy".

He went into the barn where the other deer were.....

And there would BE no more mockery....there would BE no more rejection.

Rudolph blew them away.

And yes, he decapitated Prancer, because PRANCER had always been EXTRA snotty, encouraging the others to begin their cruelty and ruthless insults.... such as "Rudolph....the Red Nosed Freak".

So I ask you.....ladies and gentalmen of the jury....is this sweet, glowing little wide eyed face that of a cold blooded killer?

Or of an innocent creature....abused from the day he was ripped from his mothers hooves...and forced into slavery. To be verbally bashed, neglected, and isolated....everyday of his life....and who JUST COULD'NT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Ladies and gentalmen of the jury.....I rest my case



*Frosty The Dough Man*

Frosty the Dough Man, he was made of cash and change.

He was our boy Frost, oh but what he cost, and he was quite deranged.

Frosty the Dough Man, made of all our junk and greed.

As the houses glowed neon bright, each and every night some guy aimed towards him and peed.

Frosty the Dough Man, has been know to eat children whole.

Then he spits them out and happily hears them shout "Frosty took my soul".

[monkey]

Bob, can I suggest you try to get more than a little rest over Christmas I have a feeling that you, more than most might benefit from it............

[Bob U]

I won't be getting much rest over Christmasas I will be away skiing (snow conditions permiting)

I actually do like Christmas although not as much now the kids have grown up and I can't be Santa Clause.

 I don't mind that it has become too commercial and money grabbing as I have a choice whether I decide to pay through the nose or not. I don't care that the true meaning of Christmas has all but disappeared and that it is being hijacked by the PC brigade. I don't have to donate to the Salvation Army as they rattle a tin in front of me, again I have a choice. If carol singers come to my door I don't mind giving them a couple of quid.

I most certainly do not begrudge anyone else enjoying Christmas in anyway they choose, in fact seeing the neighbours 3 young ones getting more and more excited as it draws nearer is a reminder of the great times we had when my son was that age .

As I said in my earlier post it is that awful Slade song that pisses me off every year and makes me start to dislike the Christmas period. Dragged out every year along with Cliff Bloody Richard, Greg Lake and the Elton John effort it's no wonder I get grumpy. Noddy Holder may see this song as his pension fund but the sooner he draws it and pisses off the happier I will be.

[Neal]

I Know what you mean Bob it does lose it a bit when the kids grow up. As for Noddy Holder I agree totally. personally though don't think I will ever hate listening to the pogues and Kirsty mc Coll

[monkey]

personally though don't think I will ever hate listening to the pogues and Kirsty mc Coll

Yes stops me in my tracks everytime that one.........

[termietermite]

personally though don't think I will ever hate listening to the pogues and Kirsty mc Coll

Yes stops me in my tracks everytime that one.........

Positively.  The only Christmas song I can honestly say I like.

[Neal]

Must be a Leeds thing Debs

[Stu]

Suppose I better put myself on the Grumpy Old Men list. Apart from works xmas night out, I can't be bothered with xmas. After I've spent 2-3 weeks putting up Xmas decs around the country (pays my week away in June), I'm throughly pissed off at the sight of them. I could'nt even post a letter yesterday because the post box was full. I'm always suggesting that a Xmas Garotte-o would be a good idea. Bring you kids down for a good throttling. Bah Humbug indeed Mr Zarse.

[Andy Zarse]

personally though don't think I will ever hate listening to the pogues and Kirsty mc Coll

Yes stops me in my tracks everytime that one.........

Positively.  The only Christmas song I can honestly say I like.

All Xmas songs are utterly hateful, as indeed are Stu's (you big hypocrit!!) council Xmas lights. What a complete waste of money, especially as they usually ask some nonentity from Boyzone or wherever to turn the lights on and make all the schoolgirls squeal in a most undignified and annoying fashion. Just what is the point of all that?

[Paddy_NL]

It gives me a break from the work load, and I get to see my son for a few days in a row. So I don't mind, really

[Rhino]

I'm all for Christmas, but then i have two small children to entertain! It does not have to be to expensive either, made my son a castle the other year and he loved it.