Big H's Big Adventure...

[termietermite]

Done!

Surely you don't pay UK Tax?

No, hence the n/a in the tax box next to my donation.

[Black Granny]

Done!

Surely you don't pay UK Tax?

No, hence the n/a in the tax box next to my donation.

And I thought it was because you didn't want us looking too closley at you returns!

[termietermite]

Done!

Surely you don't pay UK Tax?

No, hence the n/a in the tax box next to my donation.

And I thought it was because you didn't want us looking too closley at you returns!

There's that...

[BigH]

As you have seemingly nominated me as Officer Commanding Unguent Wing for this little junket of yours across the briny, I suppose I had better take rather more than a passing, casual interest in this madcap venture,

Thanks Mark,
This months copy of "Extreme Unguents XXX" already has a dog eared look to it, I've read it from cover to cover, and then once again, buttock to buttock (it was a reflex thing...).
Training is coming along, although I still haven't been on a proper bike, and I've been told that come June I'm going to be either very fit, very thin, or very dead. I reckon two out of three can't be bad, I'm just not sure which two it'll be. If it's the last one, you can have all my spare embrocation.
I've had a couple of great e-mails from John Hindhaugh, and he's keen to get involved and help with a bit of publicity, - top man! I think I might try to get the Pope involved as well, I'm not holding out much hope for a result, but the idea of cycling in a cassock and pope type hat has some sort of irresistable appeal. I could also bless people on the way down.
So come on then CA'ers, get going to http://www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike if you haven't been there already!
H
PS hey, I've found an LM connection!...

[mgmark]

Right then - we need to ensure that the two out of three relates to the first two.  In which case, there willl be a need for a suitable machine to train upon.  I can highly recommend this little beauty, an 1899 Simmons Laclede track racer of 1899, which should be just the ticket for a bit of pre-race training in pile de-sensitising.  However, moving onto the event itself, if you are to seriously undertake it garbed in a cassock and pontifical mitre, dispensing munificent blessings along the way to grateful peasants, you will require a suitable velocipede in which to carry the bread and wine....

MG Mark

[mgmark]

.....in which case, this trusty old GPO postman's bike should fit the bill nicely.....none of those new fangled gears or other fripperies to go wrong and waste time waiting for a support crew to arrive with spares.  No, by the time June arrives, you will be well set to ride the "dead hard b*st*rd" variety of the finest of traditional British engineering, complete with rod brakes and a single fixed rear sprocket; note also the one concession to comfort, that of a sprung saddle.....

MG Mark

[jpchenet]

Hi Harry

Mr Zarse and I had a chat with Hindy whilst waiting to board our flight back last night. Apparently he put a shout out for you on the Globecast from Sebring and he is putting links to your Just Giving page on his site.

Apparently your emails have had him in stitches, I can't imaging why!! 

[Andy Zarse]

Apparently your emails have had him in stitches, I can't imaging why!! 

Hindy was most amused to hear that Nassau in the Bahamas is the same as Seaham Harbour, but in the sun. He's going to do his level best to plug this one in the LM media generally and provide live coverage. Frankly I can see the band wagon surrounding this epic ride gathering speed as we get closer and closer to the event.

[BigH]

Phewie!
Finally back in the good-ole UK and it's a glorious day! I'm ready for a bit of hard core training, it's only 10:45 and already I've had five energy bars, and some isotonic lager.
Tomorrow night at the local gym I'm doing something called 'spinning', and can only assume it's one of those games where blindfolded, you quickly drink five shots of vodka, and then your "mates" spin you round on the spot with your forehead stuck to a broomstick handle. - I can see how this will prove valuable, and will keep you informed of my progress. Also, this lunchtime I'll be sloping off to the local cycle shop. where I've been told to tentatively enquire if they've heard of Fax, or the whereabouts of The Rollers.
Andy and Mark, - good to hear you made a connection with Hindy, I hope y'all enjoyed Sebring, - I'm encouraged by Andys prediction that the bandwagon may gather speed, - I'm hoping that soon, I can too...
H
PS. Sean Connery only spends time in Nassau when he's having the damp done at his Seaham Harbour place.

[Brian(Liverpool boys)]

Come on guys and dolls, the Just giving page is a bit sparse of donations, help support Big H and his charity, he requires and deserves more than a £ a mile.

[BigH]

Hurummph!
Well, spinning wasn't all it was cracked up to be, absolutely no vodka at all. I spent sixty minutes looking at the floor with sweat dripping off the end of my nose, a damp patch growing in my crotch and a tin of cranberry juice getting warmer by the minute. Furthermore, I reckon it was pure luck that no-one threw a fit, what with all the strobes and skin tight clothing, -the last time I experienced conditions like that I was in Annabells, wearing a tank top and staggering with a sailors gait along to KC and the Sunshine Band.
The Rollers, not the Bay City type, are also a little different to what I was expecting, and my admiration for Fax has gone up a tad. As I stand here looking at them, the words falling, log, and dimwit come to mind. You wouldn't want to get your old fella trapped in them.
I dread to think what the weekend has in store.....

http://www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike

Allez, allez!!
H

[mgmark]

H,

I told you that you needed a good old solid postie's bike and what do you do?  New fangled spinning bikes that don't go anywhere, modern popular music and lycra indeed - ye daft old sod.  And as for vodka, hardly a good substitute for the old EPO is it?  So are you going to see sense and introduce a decent piece of British engineering, a flat cap, a pipe and a cycle to the pub and back each evening into the training regime.  The sooner you do, the sooner the old embrocation will come into its own......

MG Mark

[BigH]

Blimey O'Reilly!!
Finally managed to get off the static bikes and try some miles on the real thing last week. On Sunday, Lord knows how, but I covered about 55 miles, and woke up on Monday morning in bed locked in a cycling position. It took two grown ups to get me straightened up, and as a precaution I now have some lok tabs round my knee caps, for fear of them flying off when I climb the stairs. Perinium Status is not just 'Red', it's incandescent. I hope things settle down a bit, as another session is planned tonight with my new found cycling chums (who all seem to have shaved legs and no body fat, they even talk in streamlines). I'm told I should be on the bike 6 days a week from now on, and frankly this strikes me as madness, my crotch is going to end up at navel level at this rate.
Mark, I'm afraid my cap flew off at somewhere called Coombe Bottom, which I thought was quite appropriate...
H

http://www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike

[mgmark]

H,

    My dear chap, Rule 27 of Machiavelli's rules of Military Discipline applies here, which states unequivocally, "Accustom your soldiers to despise delicate living and luxurious clothing".  So then, let's start getting a bit of the old stiff upper lip going here and stop this quivering, lily-livered, wet blanket rubbish.  No Sir, that sort of behaviour just isn't on - you'll have the natives restless and mutinous with that sort of talk and that's simply not on now is it?  Get the E45 cream out, slather it on and top off with a few beers and the world will be a better place. 

Coombe Bottom?  I would have thought Skinner's Bottom in the Carrick district of Cornwall would have been more appropriate for you....

MG Mark

[nickliv]

Whenever I find myself on the receiving end of sweatrash crevice I find that a liberal dusting of medicated atheletes foot powder works a treat. It works such  a treat that my lovely wife, who is the most gentle spoken woman I've ever met now has the phrase 'atheletes barse' in her vocabulary.

One of those saddles with a slot cut in the middle should prevent you from putting your body weight on the penile vein, and experiencing the frankly disconcerting penile numbness. Although with 300 miles to do you might be glad of a numb dobber.