Big H's Big Adventure...

[Robspot]

There you go, I've topped you to the £1000. Just keep your shredded arse away from me, ok!

Can you raise the target? I reckon there's plenty more to come.

[Leftie]

H

Or a good bonk or two up and down dale over hundreds of miles and back in time for tea, tiffin and medals? 

MG Mark

I presume the 'bonk' you mention is the cycling version and not the other liesurely pursuit?

Jerry

[rcutler]

I assume so, the first time i mentioned out of the cycling arena I got strange looks

[BigH]

Well, that's it!
The unguents are all mixed and seperated out into different buckets, depending on colour, temperature and stability. The gussets are soaking in WD40 with a dash of peanut butter. The rest of the kit's all hanging up and ready to go, I've even given the bike a rub down and put some talcum powder in my shoes. Fifteen litres of chilli have been frozen solid and sent to MB via FedEx and should be ready and waiting for me to sit on when I get there.
The last spinning session was endured last night, and I'm bound to say I'm glad to see the back of them, a man can only listen to 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' and 'Eye of The Tiger' so many times without having to run down to the hairdressers. I mean, does no one listen to Frankie Goes to Hollywood anymore? I've even grown some diggers for the ride, and the waiter in our local curry house mistook me for Elvis the other night. Although, I think this had more to do with what he'd been tugging on round the back than any resemblance I have to The King.
Sadly, my worst fears regarding My Mate Brian And His Piles have been realised, and he's now definitely pulled out. It seems they've got no better, and last time I spoke to him he'd smeared them with Marmite and was on his way down to the dog kennels. Not even after a full hour on google could I find any details of that treatment, but I'm sure he knows what he's doing...
I think I'll have to get some sort of playlist put together for the mp3 player as there'll be no-one to talk to, - suggestions for tracks will be gratefully accepted. Also, as MMBAHP can't be there, I'll have his grandstand ticket as a spare, and I think it'd be a good idea to put it on the DFH Auction on Friday night. Having said that, I think it's the seat next to me, and there's a very good chance I'll be minging something terrible.
See you all down there doods!!
H

www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-Bike

[RS2 Babe]

 

Woooo - it really is getting to fever pitch now in respect of your decent to Le Mans, H (OMG I lie - what about all those hills!)

I just wish I was able to be there for the big 'off' so we can all cheer you on and then drive away in our less painful choices of transport.

You mentioned the vat of Chilli - sent ahead Fed Ex (I would have used DHL) - well dont forget that after you apply that there is always my Green Curry - reaches parts other unctions might have trouble getting to.

Can't wait to see you - how about you just wear your infamous hat on entry to MB - that would get people going (or perhaps just me - fnaa fnaa)

I don't know why you don't just 'strap on' a record player to the bike instead of bothering about 'downloading' stuff onto a new-fangled i-pod do dah. You could even set up a dynamo system to make it work - then you could just go slower when you want to listen to your Barry White collection.

As for Frankie - get a life will you - you do want to make it to MB in time to see the end of the race don't you. The French will beat you to a pulp if they hear that rubbish on your Bang & O

Lisa

xx

[Robspot]

Harry

Are you starting cycling in Blighty? If so what is your route, what port are you going from and approx times?

[RS2 Babe]

 

What ?- H's bike changes into a pedalo?

wicked

thats obviously worth an extra tenner's worth of garlic for my curry

Lisa

[BigH]

Rob,
My route's in detail earlier in this thread, but basically:
London to Portsmouth in time for a 4 o'clock Tuesday afternoon ferry to Cherbourg, and no beer or whiskey at all. Wednesday, Cherbourg to maybe Domfront via D-roads, and no cider or calvados at all, at all.
Thursday, Domfront to Maison Blanche, via Arnage, and no Ricard or 1664 at all, at all, at all.
Lisa, I'm hoping to stay on the ferry for the full length of the crossing, as I won't have a pedalo, - but you've made me wonder about taking along some flares...
H

[Andy Zarse]

but you've made me wonder about taking along some flares...

I'm afraid it's another harbinger moment H, but I'd strongly advise against it (whilst sucking air through my teeth). Surely flares could get caught up in the chain and tip you over the handlbars into the flailling jaws of an oncoming sunflower scrattler?

[BigH]

into the flailling jaws of an oncoming sunflower scrattler?

"Sunflower Scrattler"!!!!

Holy mothers of embrocation!! What's that going to do to me down a deserted lane?? Frank Boughs Knob, now I'm going to be Scrattled!

That's a great set of flares though but, and the Selwyn Froggitt thumbs up has got me going all weak at the knees. I think if I came across this young lady down a country lane I'd have to first start checking my water bottles for traces of LSD or rogue mushrooms, before dismounting and setting fire to my hair in a homage to either Arthur Brown or Andrew Lloyd Webber, I'm not sure which...
H

[RS2 Babe]

 

My dearest H - I have that outfit (although not the girl inside it) so if ye fancy - as I'm zooming past ye at an ultra fast rate of knots on the way down - I'll toss it (the outfit that is) from my electronically controlled and chipped super fast window opening so you can wear it .............ohhh ekk missus?

How does that grab ye?

Don't tell me?

BTW - Ive been ultra tawdry n slow about matters in relation to Le Mans this year for reasons that I might blurt out one night when we are safely sat around the electric campfire watching Sav and Stu drink petrol - you will be sat on your rubber ring, obviously, so won't get all upset and suffer any more discomfort when I give you the lowdown about whats been going on. So I'm sorry I havent pledged - but i'll just get in the que with the rest of the attendees at this years race to give you hard currency (printed in St Helier) if thats ok.

If I have missed it (and I often do miss things - even when they leap out at me) then kindly post a more detailed route that you are planning to undertake as I might find my way on to some 'z' roads this year (being as i am totally alone again driving from deepest darkest St Malo) and park up the car so I can walk in front of you with a red flag - or my red knickers - that'll surely scare off the sunflower thingy ma bob machine.

Yours sincerely

Lisa
 

[Black Granny]

My dearest H - I have that outfit (although not the girl inside it) so if ye fancy - as I'm zooming past ye at an ultra fast rate of knots on the way down - I'll toss it (the outfit that is) from my electronically controlled and chipped super fast window opening so you can wear it .............ohhh ekk missus?

How does that grab ye?

Don't tell me?

BTW - Ive been ultra tawdry n slow about matters in relation to Le Mans this year for reasons that I might blurt out one night when we are safely sat around the electric campfire watching Sav and Stu drink petrol - you will be sat on your rubber ring, obviously, so won't get all upset and suffer any more discomfort when I give you the lowdown about whats been going on. So I'm sorry I havent pledged - but i'll just get in the que with the rest of the attendees at this years race to give you hard currency (printed in St Helier) if thats ok.

If I have missed it (and I often do miss things - even when they leap out at me) then kindly post a more detailed route that you are planning to undertake as I might find my way on to some 'z' roads this year (being as i am totally alone again driving from deepest darkest St Malo) and park up the car so I can walk in front of you with a red flag - or my red knickers - that'll surely scare off the sunflower thingy ma bob machine.

Yours sincerely

Lisa
 

Lisa

If you haven't pledged we'll be round with the collecting tins to support BH. For those that don't donate we take a very good look at their returns going back over several years. We have friends in high places in the channel islands so don't think you are outside of our influence!

Watch out watch out, there's a bunch of Hectors about!

[RS2 Babe]

My dearest H - I have that outfit (although not the girl inside it) so if ye fancy - as I'm zooming past ye at an ultra fast rate of knots on the way down - I'll toss it (the outfit that is) from my electronically controlled and chipped super fast window opening so you can wear it .............ohhh ekk missus?

How does that grab ye?

Don't tell me?

BTW - Ive been ultra tawdry n slow about matters in relation to Le Mans this year for reasons that I might blurt out one night when we are safely sat around the electric campfire watching Sav and Stu drink petrol - you will be sat on your rubber ring, obviously, so won't get all upset and suffer any more discomfort when I give you the lowdown about whats been going on. So I'm sorry I havent pledged - but i'll just get in the que with the rest of the attendees at this years race to give you hard currency (printed in St Helier) if thats ok.

If I have missed it (and I often do miss things - even when they leap out at me) then kindly post a more detailed route that you are planning to undertake as I might find my way on to some 'z' roads this year (being as i am totally alone again driving from deepest darkest St Malo) and park up the car so I can walk in front of you with a red flag - or my red knickers - that'll surely scare off the sunflower thingy ma bob machine.

Yours sincerely

Lisa
 

Lisa

If you haven't pledged we'll be round with the collecting tins to support BH. For those that don't donate we take a very good look at their returns going back over several years. We have friends in high places in the channel islands so don't think you are outside of our influence!

Watch out watch out, there's a bunch of Hectors about!

 


Really - friends in high places in the tax haven that is (well sort of) Jersey.

I know absolutley how to mitigate all my circumstances - however they might arise - so there.

But donating to Big H's fund is cool - so im in 100%

Lisa

[mgmark]

H,

Have a great last weekend of freedom before launching yourself off on this madcap adventure next week.  One trusts that you will be adopting the "don't do too much to wear yourself out and bulk up on carbs and beer" approach to this weekend.  Chuck in a bit of fettling of the trusty steed, nip a few loose spokes up, get the saddle bag stuffed with a puncture kit, unguents and a few cheese sarnies - that should all see you in good shape and ready for the off, raring to go.  Good luck mate,   

MG Mark

[termietermite]

Do you know which road you're taking from Sille to LM on Thursday?  Should we bring an ambulance if we come to cheer you on on the last lap?