Matt,
You've taken a pasting, and no mistake. And have you spoke to Dave recently? I'd be a little worried about the lad, he may have decided to take the last waltz. I know that you fragile and shrinking violets can only take so much.
On the subject of 'taking so much', that is my first thought on advice. They say a good drink never solved anything, but in my experience unanswered questions were never so much fun. Epsomelda was obviously a profiteer and hairy waxy eared lizard person, and any person who doesn't need a 'flying fart' either has a very full life or is in league with the Devil and shouldn't be trusted. (wasn't someone advertising spare seats on a flying fart in another thread?)
Of course he may be a thoroughly nice chap and is marrying my daughter on Saturday, in which case I'll be wringing his bells in person.
I like the idea of an auction for Flying Farts though. Instead of a waved program or a raised eyebrow, the next bidder would break wind in a personalised and distinctive way, signalling a small raise in the bidding. A large raise in the bidding though would necesitate the risk of a trouser-full alright, and I doubt that that pace of purchasing could be kept up for long. I can hear it now "Sold! - to the man in the chest waders!"
Like a wahoo he's headed for deep waters, but the clubs ready...
H
