Epsomelda! Welcome back!!
Thanks to you we've had Thatchers vag, Starlings acumen and the terrible thought of Matts grizzled old behind on show in the high street. And now, despite Maggies awful, hairy secret, the prospect of a wedding on the horizon, I hope you're pleased with yourself. Indeed the power of the internet is not to be underestimated.
Have you sold your tickets yet then, or what? For I have a solution which may get us out of this terrible mess. Once you've sold the little critters on e-bay (I assume it's e-bay?), whatever you make over face value can be used to purchase cheap champagne, and shared with all your new pals in The Village on Saturday night! Now what can be fairer than that?
Actually, before the slowly burning kettle jumps off the hearth and par-boils my sweetmeats I better come clean on this ticket business.
Yes Father, it was me, I cannot tell a lie, not only did I shred the frickin cherry tree, but I also sold my spare tickets on e-bay last year....
(In my defence, your honour, I put them on here first at face value) I'm now a little worried about eternal damnation, although I think the hot poker routine could be interesting.
H