Hubble Bubble, toilet trouble.
Not strictly LM, but in keeping with the thread I think...
Returning home one Saturday night when still a young lad, I nodded briefly at my parents watching the telly and managed to make it upstairs on all fours. After a few fitful hours in bed, I was having problems with my gyrocopes, and decided that I had to first of all, get vertical, and secondly, make it to the bog (naked) asap. Assuming the well known 'on the knees, arms round the bog, head in' position I had an absolutely marvellous and long lasting chunder, it went down to my boots, or it would have, if I'd been wearing them, and I knew it had sorted me out. Imagine my surprise when I drew a forearm across my mouth, and turned round to see the biggest pile of crap in christendom steaming away on the floor behind me. (Surely it couldn't have been me!)
Well, I couldn't leave it there. The list of suspects would have been short enough even for the West Midlands Crime Squad to make an arrest, so I did the best I could and cleared up. I remember, after what seemed like hours, standing up in the bog, with my hands on my hips and nodding to myself in a delusionally smug manner, over a job well done, and heading back to bed confident in the fact that no-one will ever be the wiser.
I was woken at 7:15 by my mother screaming.
In my drunken stupor, I'd manage to see a homely toilet, covered in crap from (almost) floor to ceiling, as a nice job. Shite had replaced the grout between the tiles. It was even on the Artex ceiling. At some stage I'd enlisted the help of the tea towel from the kitchen, and after what obviously looked like heavy use, had folded it up and hung it back over the oven door. My mother was like a mad woman, and I could see my Dad in the kitchen rolling his sleeves up... My bed was in a state almost as bad, I'd made a dirty protest without knowing it.
Still, I've grown up now.
H
