Shocking News From Team JPC

[Ballast]

Hi All,

I'm afraid I have some rather disturbing news regarding our illustrious leader, JP Chenet. 

I had the pleasure of enjoying a round of golf with Mr Chenet this afternoon. Having taken his money   We decided that a trip to a local watering hole would be in order.

On arrival I asked what he would like as "shock, horror" there was no Stella! And here is the shocking part folks...... brace yourself. He asked for a diet coke!!!!!!!

As you can imagine, I was absolutely horrified at such a response and immediately started to dial the emergency services, clearly he was delusional and needed medical assistance!

I decided that the best course of action was to humour him and get him into another pub as soon as possible.

We arrived at the second pub as quickly as possible where he made a bee-line for the bar (a good sign I thought) where he promptly ordered himself ANOTHER bloody diet coke!

I'm sorry people, but this is NOT normal. I am deeply concerned. I'm sure that you will have something to say on this matter!

[Dave H]

I think it's pretty obvious - he must be up the duff!

[Fran]

I cant decide what is more horrific, discovering that JPC is a closet teatotaller or discovering that Ballast is a closet golfer! 

'scuse me while i go and lie down in a darkened room....

 

[Perdu]

Anybody know where the darkened room is that Fran has gone for a lie down in?

I feel the need to join her as I recover from the alrming news of Mark's pregnancy...


 

[Fax]

Global warming, record hurricanes, and now this?
Yes folks, the apocalypse is truly upon us.
Fax

[Ferrari Spider]

Gary, I'm stunned, did he look like this

[Perdu]

Oh dear!

I'm sorry I made so lightly of it...

Oh dear!

[Steve Pyro]

Well that's it then.  I might as well paint my bottom blue and call myself a baboon.

You'll be telling me the world is round next 

[Lorry]

There's nothing wrong with diet coke.  For those of you that don't know what it tastes like, let me say that its pretty good when you've mixed in enough Bacardi to take the taste away.  Does JPC have a secret hip flask perhaps

[Ballast]

Worse still Fran. We are BOTH closet golfers!!

He didn't look his normal self Pete, but I dont think he'll look as bad as that ever again?

[mgmark]

Golf indeed - the best way to ruin perfectly good land.   And Diet Coke    This insidious creep of so-called normal activity obviously coincides with the imminent end of the year's motorsport season.   Sounds like a need here for some swift, positive attitude realignment.   Bring in the military.   A spot of early morning reveille, marching, kit inspections, cold showers and compulsory runs around the airfield should do the job to keep the dark forces at bay.   Either that or playing golf on a range danger area should sharpen the mind and reinstate the desire for appropriate post-match refreshments. 

MG Mark

[Bob U]

Gazza, our thoughts are with you at this sad and difficult time. Whilst Mark is going through this confused period of his life he is going to need a good friend to help him cope. I am sure that you will be this good friend, a crutch to lean on, a sympethtic shoulder to cry on in his darkest hour and a voice of reason when it all becomes too much for him to bare. It won't be easy old friend but I'm sure, a man with your strength of charector and determination will help Mark pull through and get his life back on the straight and narrow.

I am sure that when he has seen the error of his ways Mark will be forever grateful to you  for turning his life around before he became a member of a temperence society.

With Gods' help and your resolve I am sure we will soon see Mark back on the Tropicoma.

Good luck,
     Bob

[jpchenet]

Those of you that have met me (and quite a few have) will know that this is absolutely proposterous. I mean, me, soft drinks, never (unless used as a mixer or as part of Tropicoma). Frankly I am shocked that some of you could ever believe such a thing! You don't get a body like mine by drinking Diet Coke!!!! 

What is equally scary though is that it was in fact Ballast who was driving and ordered Diet Coke. Not once, but twice! And why Diet Coke?? I think it may be a bit too late mate!!  We were going to stop at another pub on the way home but I refused to go in with him as we were closer to home and I couldn't risk being seen drinking with someone who was on diet coke by anyone who knew me. After all, I have a reputation to keep up! I can see the headlines now, "Beer Festival organiser seen with man drinking diet coke!" 

He muttered something about not drinking with antibiotics and having to go back to "the clinic". A problem with the dose or something like that I think he said?   

[Andy Zarse]

I can't see the problem with it myself. If a man wants to drink soft drink, I say let him.

Personally, I favour a nice Pineapple Crush after 18 holes of Thwack-Fu ck. It's very refreshing, full of Vitamin C and doesn't imbue the horrible dizziness and sicky feeling following the ingestion of beers and other intoxicating liquors.

[jpchenet]

Personally, I favour a nice Pineapple Crush after 18 holes of Thwack-Fu ck.

But they didn't have any umbrellas or cocktail cherries