Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new, American style “drive-through” cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine.
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down the window of your car
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
6 Turn the radio down
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12 Enter PIN
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make up
20 Drive forwards two metres
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Give appropriate one fingered hand signal to irate male drivers’ queuing behind
25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
26 drive for two to three miles
27 Release handbrake
Apologies to Fran, Piglet, RS2 Babe etc. 
