Andy.
I've had a similar experience. I believe the culprit is known as the beer pixie. He makes friends with you in the pub when you are spectacularly drunk, spirits you home (If you get in a taxi with him, the fare is ALWAYS seventeen pounds) he then will wreck your house, from the key scrapes on the front door to the muddy footprints on the sofa. At some point you will upset him, earning yourself a proper beating, the after effects of which linger well into the following day, he puts you to bed in your clothes, takes all the money out of your wallet, and to let the other beer pixies know that he's already friends with you, his parting gesture is to take a dump in your mouth.