Big H's Big Adventure...

[Andy Zarse]

Whenever I find myself on the receiving end of sweatrash crevice

Purely out of idle curiosity nickliv, what sort of occasions/events/activities do you find usually lead to your crevice(s) being plagued by this awful impairment?

[BigH]

Thanks for the advice Nick!
I'm a little worried that too much powder may turn into a sort of mulch as the temperature rises and friction starts taking it's toll. To this end, I may be packing a little hydraulic cement (http://www.damtitewaterproofing.com/products/product.php?colName=7032) for emergencies, or just plain old curiosity. I also seem to have acquired a bicycle seat that you could slice a cucumber with, and I tell you honestly, it's taking some getting used to. Below is a pic of one our crew on a cycling ride on MB, and just look at how brightly his perineum is glowing, and he'd only done one lap!
Mind you, I quite like the idea of having an "athletes arse", only without all the unpleasantness...
H

[nickliv]

Whenever I find myself on the receiving end of sweatrash crevice

Purely out of idle curiosity nickliv, what sort of occasions/events/activities do you find usually lead to your crevice(s) being plagued by this awful impairment?

It's probably got something to do with the way I'm made. Long walks in the hills on hot days when wearing unsuitable undergarments usually has something to do with it as well.

And you're right Andy. It is an awful impairment.

[BigH]

I'm officially a little bit frustrated now...
I've been pedalling like a leper in downtown Cairo for the last 3 weeks, and I'm stuffed if I can see any improvement! - I'm more a 'bag of tripe' instead of the 'butchers dog'. Mind you, the weather lately has been in favour of large BBQs, lashings of strong lager and an early bed, so perhaps my diet needs fine tuning a little. I'm still waiting for that moment (which several b******s have promised me!) where everything falls into place and I accelerate effortlessly, like a train, from A to B. And I can't see that happening, unless I inadvertantly get lost and find myself plummetting from Beachy Head, heading swiftly towards some close range winkle inspecting.
I suspect I haven't been using enough Vaseline, so tonight I'm going to use the whole stock, - if it's flexible it's going to be gassed back, and if it's matt it's going to be shining like a brasso'd towing hitch...
Perhaps I'll ditch the chaps....
H

www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike

[Black Granny]

The collecting tins in aid of the cause have arrived at the tax officecolllecting headquarters.

We will be round the campsites on Friday evening/night so if you want a visit to enable you to donate let us know your where-abouts!

[mgmark]

H,

      Have faith and patience my dear chap - you'll feel great when you get to Le Mans, and be able to accelerate effortlessly when you can swop the bike for a car.  In the meantime, more pain means more gain (I think that is supposed to be how it goes).  The recent diet may not have helped, but it will surely come together in due course.  Failing all else, go for a diet of brussel sprouts, then at least the ride will be aided by flatulence.... 

MG Mark

[Fran]

Big H - You should be seeing an improvement by now!

Are you still doing the spinning or only outdoors cycling?  Spinning should be good to give you a fast increase in stamina and strength - go at least twice a week for an hour and work hard - no sitting there without any resistance on your bike pretending - it fools nobody!! 

You should also be working on core strength too, so get down to the free weights section of the gym and start pumping some iron!

A bit of outdoors cycling should be on top of the gym/spin work.... you gotta put in the time!

Keep an eye on your nutrition too, it can make all the difference... get some carbs within 30 mins of a workout... a banana is good, or some white bread with some protein, ie. a ham sandwich.

F

Edit:  Forgot to say - dont do the same work out two days running, and remember to have one complete rest day per week.

[Andy Zarse]

Big H - You should be seeing an improvement by now! 
You should also be working on core strength too, so get down to the free weights section of the gym and start pumping some iron!

Everyone on Venice Beach found Harry's hernia a source of great amusement.....

[pistonbroke]

Come on H., you remember my enforced 6 week workout - it took 5 weeks to see & feel the difference with no change to diet or alcohol input! Its all in the hills man, aim for Ditchling Beacon!

[BigH]

You're right, it is all in the hills, - in fact I left more in the hills than the hills bargained for on Sunday. I think maybe I'm overdoing it, and might take a little breather for a day or two, or at least until I can straighten up. Oh, and I've discovered 'Chamois Cream', and I can tell you it's just the stuff for a drop dead side parting and fish accompaniment.
As well as the chaps, it's looking like I'll have to lose the basketwork trailer and balloons from the handlebars, bloody 'ell, I'm going to end up looking like a cyclist at this rate...
H

www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike

[termietermite]

You are not alone!  The story of a fellow sufferer:
http://www.completefrance.com/cs/forums/920856/ShowPost.aspx

[Dark Warrior]

Big H,

I am sharing your pain and trepidation with regards to this cycling lark...

Indeed, this time next week, I shall be in the saddle en route to Doncaster.. A merry band are sallying forth, as we have done for the last 3 years, on our trusty steeds, to Bedford Blues last away game of the season... Henley, Birmingham Solihull & Harlequins have been safely (if sorely) arrived at... I fear Doncaster will present an altogether more daunting challenge...

I hear on good authority that a mixture of Vaseline and Bonjella strategically applied works wonders easing both pain and chaffing in the nether regions... Never tried it, but I will advise on whether you may like to try it...

DW

[Neal]

DW enjoy the trip, nice ground to watch from, went to watch the Tykes there a few weeks ago. Will be watching Tykes v Rotherham on Sunday, it's a shame theres nothing to play for now.

[BigH]

Thanks all,
Well, I've no excuse now then. I seem to have done more homework than those folks, so it's Le Mans or bust!
I'm sure Mark's going to be disappointed in me, but I've come to the conclusion that this hi-tech malarky is the only way forward. Mind you, I was dismayed to find myself in front of a front length mirror the other day and realised that there really is just no hiding place in these lycra shorts the man in the shop sold me. On the plus side though, it did remind me that I needed to get some fresh vegetables in.
I managed about 60 miles on Sunday, mostly up and down some horrible hills, and on Monday did about 30 miles. Tuesday was an hour spinning followed by a run, and yesterday was another twenty odd miles. I'm now so knackered I can't talk properly, so am going to take it easy till the weekend. I'm not sure my speech will have improved by then, but I'll have had a rest.
Now, if you're ever participating in one of those word association games and someone barks "Bonjela!" when they hear "Arse!", don't come back with "rugby!" if you know what's good for you.
H

www.justgiving.com/H-on-a-bike

[Fran]

You gotta take rest days on alternate days.... .not in groups once you are completely knackered!!

Sheesh 

F