What a pile of w*nk!

[rex]

Hi everybody,I'm back from Le mans at last.No i didn't take a wrong turning when leaving.but enjoyed a few more days in the sun.Good to meet you guys at the shampoo bar(though not much being drunk).Got my confirmation of request for tickets for next year.The blue touch paper has been lit,stand back for11 moths and hope !!!
Reason for posting was reading the other posts reminded me a witty limerick Iheard.
There was a young man from Bombay
Who moulded a c**t out of clay
But the heat from his dick
turned the clay into brick
and rubbed all his foreskin away!!

[Andy Zarse]

He claims that when he was at Uni, he entered a cometition and did it fourteen times in 24 hours. It seems on the last few go's, only a small gust of strange smelling gas and some white powder were emitted.

Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.

I have this morning received a letter from Chris's lawyers asking me to apologise for the terrible stain I have cast on his good character (although I bet it's not as big as the stain he's cast on his bed sheets).

I am happy to set the record straight. I now accept that to say he won the competition with a score of fourteen is wholly inaccurate. The correct score was eighteen.

EIGHTEEN!! In 24 hours! Jesus!

I have no hesitation in offering an unreserved apology for the professional distress and hurt feelings I have cause. I have offered to pay substantial sum in damages to Chris, who has asked me to pay them to the charity of his choice. He has nominated RoSPWISBaS.  (Royal Society for the Prevention of Wrist Injuries and Snapped Banjo Strings)

I consider the matter closed, just like Chris's fist.

[BigH]

Eighteen in 24 hours!
Now, it's not motor racing I know, but it's endurance to say the least. Le Vingt Quatre Heures du Glans I'd say. It brings to mind the Brunsport Porche that expired on the last lap in 1989. Whether Walti was busy cranking the last one out on the virage Ford at the time when smoke started belching out the cockpit, I can't say. But you couldn't blame him, he's a man after all, with lusts and desires. Anyway, those cockpit cams soon put paid to that sort of carry on.
When you mention a dry gust on the last go, I can't help thinking of a snake caught in a dust storm clearing its throat with a kind of hacking cough, maybe he should have fed it a little linctus.
And as for his 'handlebar grip', at least he'll know when he's met the right woman. Like King Arthur and Excalibur, they'll be as one, a perfect fit. 'And as I hold this Knob, I take my place as the True, and Righful, Queen of all of Englande'.
H

[Andy Zarse]

I'm not sure if cockpit cranking is still against the rules these days. Should I ask the ACO or the British Board of Wanking Control?

I know about the Porsche incident but who remembers the infamous episode with the Moskevitch team in 1963? Beautifully driven by Janka Bollokoff and Sven Onansson, and although leading the under 2000cc class, the drivers foolishly tried to get the Ferrari pit crew involved in a w**k circle behind the old pits complex. It is rumoured Enzo Ferrari, in a fit of pique, had them disqualified for using illegal magazines and lubricant. It is well known Enzo was no stranger to the pleasures of the palm, indeed this is why he became known as "The Old Man"; it has nothing to do with his age.

A messy business, of which no one has ever gotten to the bottom of. Best to just leave it, I say.

Finally, last word on the subject, Chris has very kindly offered to give CA forum members a wanking Masterclass at next years race. He will help you amateur players iron out the bugs in your grip and swing and show you tips on how to avoid the dreaded w**k*rs block. I am sure we would all be thrilled and honoured to attend this premiere event. Let me know if you are interested.

[jpchenet]

Good to see you back Rex. Hope the building work went well and that the break afterwards was relaxing!!

[Pidgeon]

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[Andy Zarse]

Hiya Pidg!

Seems some traditions persist at Ferrari.

Seems also you attend some fairly strange parties given your previous jpeg offering. Wonderful!

[Pidgeon]

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[gibberish]

With all this ejaculation in various public toilets I'm glad i took my own personal convenience this year.

[Andy Zarse]

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[Pidgeon]

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[Andy Zarse]

Pidge,

You'll probably never see it but if anyone is on the A27 Chichester bypass, look out for a company called Beaver Tool Hire. There is an advert on the side of the building which you can see from the road. It says something like -

"Trim your bush with a chopper from Beaver Tool Hire"

Well it amused me the other day when I was stuck in the traffic.

[Andy Zarse]

"Trim your bush with a chopper from Beaver Tool Hire"

I think I've remembered what the sign says.

"Cut your bush with a Beaver Trimmer"

[Canada Phil]

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner
Canada Phil