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Author Topic: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread  (Read 1118859 times)

Offline landman

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2145 on: January 06, 2011, 07:06:08 pm »
I bought a car off Bonnie Tyler last year. It generally runs ok, but every now and then it falls apart.
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Offline Steve Pyro

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2146 on: January 07, 2011, 02:16:31 pm »

Q: What is the main function of the Australia coach?
A:To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.


Q: What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A:A waiter.


Q: Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian team?
A:The woman who ironed the cricket whites.


Q: Why don't Aussie fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A: Because they never catch anything.


Q: What's the Aussie version of a hat trick?
A: Three runs in three balls.


Q: What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A:Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.


Q: What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?
A:The walk back to the pavilion.


Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A:The entire Australian innings.


Q: What's the Australian version of LBW?
A:Lost, Beaten, Walloped.


Q: Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
A:Because they can't spell beer.

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Offline landman

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2147 on: January 08, 2011, 07:33:19 pm »
Gerry Rafferty is - it seems - to be buried in the same cemetery as Ronald McDonald & Heath Ledger.

Clown to the left of me, joker to the right...
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Offline termietermite

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2148 on: January 24, 2011, 07:45:15 pm »
Man



Man is a woman's best friend.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and
give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels that she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be
confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.




No wait.... Sorry......
I'm thinking of wine.

It's wine that does all that ...

Sorry

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Offline Bob U

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2149 on: January 27, 2011, 11:45:39 am »
It is reported that the female linesman Sian Massey was very upset even before the start of the recent Wolves v Liverpool game. Not because of Andy Gray's sexist comments but because the other linesman was wearing the same clothes as her.
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Offline Barry

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2150 on: January 27, 2011, 06:41:03 pm »
 ;D

Guy on the right is very metro, he's holding a duster in his hand, obviously wants to help Sian with the house work.
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Offline Dangermouse

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2151 on: January 28, 2011, 02:15:07 pm »
Sian Massey's nickname is now "Just for Men"
Used once and the Gray is gone ;D


By the way, can I just congratulate Sky on taking such a tough stance on sexism.
Wonder who's this weekend's soccerette? ::)


 
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Offline Jules G

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2152 on: February 02, 2011, 11:06:54 am »
A man goes into his local bookstore and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy."
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Offline Dangermouse

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2153 on: February 03, 2011, 04:41:56 pm »
Man goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on suicide.
Librarian says "feck off, you'll not bring it back"

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Offline Grand_Fromage

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2154 on: February 03, 2011, 06:06:17 pm »
Q. What is 'FAP FAP FAP' ?

Answer 1. The sound of three Peugeots going past.

Answer 2. The sound of sombody w*****g in the next cubicle.
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Offline Lord Steve

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2155 on: February 03, 2011, 08:01:30 pm »
Quote from: Barry on January 27, 2011, 06:41:03 pm
;D

Guy on the right is very metro, he's holding a duster in his hand, obviously wants to help Sian with the house work.

Isn't that Max off East Enders?
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Offline nickliv

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2156 on: February 05, 2011, 10:14:47 pm »
I used to know a woman who used to prefer blokes with tiny willies

Mind you, she was a bit shallow
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Offline Jules G

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2157 on: February 09, 2011, 05:20:06 pm »
What really happened when Elton John and David Furnish decided to have a baby...............................

They had their sperm mixed together and had a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby was born Elton and David were waiting at the hospital. They were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of whom were crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby was smiling serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these unhappy babies ....... And yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"

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Offline Jules G

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2158 on: February 15, 2011, 05:13:21 pm »
I got ripped off by a dyslexic prostitute last night......I gave her a tenner and she cooked my sock
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Offline enzo

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Re: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread
« Reply #2159 on: February 16, 2011, 01:05:21 pm »
Dangers of Facebook

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"The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It's nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It's about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom."
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