|
Matt Harper
|
 |
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:46:11 pm » |
|
Was it Dr Emmett Brown who said, "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads"? It could just as easily have been Turn 10 mover and shaker ATC Greg, who invited me to spend the weekend along with the Sebring advance party at his lodge in the darkest, almost inaccessible labyrinth of twisting dirt trails and Floridian scrub brush known as River Ranch.
After filling up a couple of coolboxes with beer we picked-up Vegas!, JPC, Doris and Langtall from the Virgin Atlantic baggage claim and took them directly to The Fish on Fire for dinner and refreshments. They were all in remarkably good shape, given that they had spent the previous evening enjoying the hospitality at Maison Zarse - and then making a concerted attempt to relieve VS015 of it's Stella Artois manifest.
I did my best to sell them on FoF's awesome terryaki and garlic grilled wings and chicken quessadillas, but only JPC went for it. The others opted for Sebring Sirloin - a shameless piggy-back marketing ploy to shift spare scrag-end that the others fell upon. Needless to say, Doris had to send hers back three times and even the one she finally resigned herself to gnaw through could have been used to re-sole my gardening boots. Tip: Listen to the regulars, people.
From here we piled into my Suburban and headed south, arriving at the front gates at RR on the stroke of 11.10pm.
The welcoming party was waiting for us (in body, if not cognisence). Greg, MiCar and the Amazing Randy transferred all our sh!t into two gigantic pick-ups and we crashed-off into the darkness. It was apparent that the River Ranch party had started some considerable time prior to our arrival. It then went on into the early morning.
A little later that same morning, we dragged our sorry asses out of bed breakfasted on Sausage and egg buscuits (with lashings of icey Guinness to wash it all down) and loaded up onto (rather than into) Mike's Chevy Blazer and an assortment of quad bikes.
I noticed a couple of intersting things about Mike's Blazer. The headlights are at about shoulder height, to give you an idea of the lift kit on it. It's 350 small-block has full-on, 'bunch of bananas' headers. The front seats are out of a Saleen Mustang (though the back seat would look more at home in a London bus). Oh, and it doesn't have any brakes. Now, you know when most people say "It's got no brakes", they really mean that the brakes are, you know, a bit iffy. Mike's Blazer does not have a braking system. The brake pedal is not connected to the brake cylinders and serves merely as a decorative item. I must correct myself - it does have a rudimentary means of arresting it's forward progress. This system is called a tree.
We spent all morning and half of the afternoon crashing through the undergrowth and plunging through bogs, creeks and wash-outs, sometimes miles off of the nearest trail. It was utterly insane. The relentless boozing, tree killing and rapid-fire joke telling/p!sstaking combined with 90 degree temps was something to behold.
Seth and I ferried Vegas! back to Orlando last night. The others voted to spend another night out in the woods. This morning, I took him down to Cruise America to pick up this years land yacht. I'm guessing Rick will roll onto the Hendricks Field RV staging area around 5.00pm today.
So, the weary travellers have passed from Andy Zarse's hands, through mine and now over to the custodians of Turn 10. Things could get very ugly from here on in.
My next guest is Mr Zarse himself. Rumour has it that Virgin are ordering in fresh rose petals to scatter before him, as he makes his way through US Immigration.
Andy, I've been under considerable pressure to get you (and me) to the track on Thursday night, rather than my planned Friday lunchtime arrival.
Now, some may brand me a light-weight (there's a 'first' for everything, I suppose), but I'm inclined to stick with plan A and start the event with a clear head. However, you are my guest and that gives you a deciding vote. Let me know if you want to rush off a near 10 hour flight, bundle into a car - slog down to the track, arriving just as the WFO party is winding down - and put your tent up in the dark. Your call - not that I have any strong feelings either way, you understand.
Looking forward to seeing everyone else with Sebring on the radar for this weekend. To the rest - we'll miss you, so plan to do it one day. It's an emotional experience.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If it\'s good and fast, it won\'t be cheap. If it\'s fast and cheap, it won\'t be good. If it\'s good and cheap, it won\'t be fast.
|
|
|
|
Lee Self
|
|
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2009, 08:15:43 pm » |
|
sweet, that explains a lot. and your description of River Ranch is deadly accurate! -Lee  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
nopanic - neil
|
|
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2009, 08:30:45 pm » |
|
Matt – Great description of the events so far. As I read it I could picture everything. Fantastic, makes me so envious. Hope everything goes OK and the gang do not try to do a remake of the film Deliverance. Cheers Neil |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you're going through hell, keep going.
|
|
|
|
mgmark
|
|
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2009, 08:44:44 pm » |
|
Excellent story so far - lucky, lucky people. Dare we expect any of them to return to the UK alive......
MG Mark
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." Mario Andretti
|
|
|
|
Andy Zarse
|
|
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2009, 10:49:24 pm » |
|
Great tale of River Ranching Matt, sounds MAD.
Matt, pleasing though it would be to drag you south to Turn 10 against your better judgement, I'm inclined to agree with you about sticking with Plan A on thursday. I will probably be quite relaxed, as i plan to spend a couple of hours before the flight in the Virgin lounge at Gatwick South having a pleasant champagne, scrambled egg and smoked salmon brunch. I'll then be stripping off and enjoying a nice thai massage and some hot rock reflexology from my beautiful personal attendants. I'll be annointed with essential oils and the exotic natural parfums of the orient - and I dare say there'll be some sprinkling of rose petals too - before the limo takes me to my personal suite on the plane. Treatment like this must be like being in the RAF, so it would be a shame to spend the evening farting myself asleep in a chilly trailer when one has been pampered so.
Not that I'm a fey, effete, corduroy-wearing nonce or anything, but a few sherries in O'town, followed by a nice alfalfa salad and some organic quail's eggs, finished off wth a pleasant night's sleep under a duckdown duvet in the guests quarters at Harper Acres, seems like a perfect end to a lovely, if somewhat long, day. Then the next morning (not too early!) we can load up and set off afresh to Hendriks Field properly rested for the serious task ahead.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I wouldn't sit there if I were you, it's still a bit wet.
|
|
|
|
Lee Self
|
|
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2009, 11:32:02 am » |
|
you'll miss night practice. -Lee  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Andy Zarse
|
|
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2009, 12:07:18 pm » |
|
Lee, after my in-flight bergamot enema I probably won't mind all that much.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I wouldn't sit there if I were you, it's still a bit wet.
|
|
|
|
Lee Self
|
|
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2009, 12:37:19 pm » |
|
Y'now Andy, as nice as that sounds... You'll miss night practice I, on the other hand will just make night practice. After years (30) of attending starting from as early as Tuesday, I have to work up until lunch on thrusday. Lucky I live only 2.5 hrs fron the circuit. For 15 years Jerri & I both took vacation and we drove down form Lexington, KY. 15 hrs. Now it just seems SOOOOO close. Sleep Purge and Fly well, we'll look forward to you and Mr. Harper on Friday. And you had better smell good. -Lee |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Boorish Grobian
|
|
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2009, 04:31:58 pm » |
|
Great story Matt, but Christ I hope nobody has to spend the night in the hospital with a Cotton Mouth bite. The Mrs and I will be in residence early Sat morning, I know where to find everyone. This is her first Sebring trip, I don't think she knows what she's in for.
Matt, is little bro coming down? Got a few pints to kill today at Haps, I'll say hi to big Joe for you.
See y'all Saturday
Fax
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 17, 2009, 07:03:24 pm by Fax MKII »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Chris24
|
|
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2009, 08:43:56 pm » |
|
Great tale of River Ranching Matt, sounds MAD.
Matt, pleasing though it would be to drag you south to Turn 10 against your better judgement, I'm inclined to agree with you about sticking with Plan A on thursday. I will probably be quite relaxed, as i plan to spend a couple of hours before the flight in the Virgin lounge at Gatwick South having a pleasant champagne, scrambled egg and smoked salmon brunch. I'll then be stripping off and enjoying a nice thai massage and some hot rock reflexology from my beautiful personal attendants. I'll be annointed with essential oils and the exotic natural parfums of the orient - and I dare say there'll be some sprinkling of rose petals too - before the limo takes me to my personal suite on the plane. Treatment like this must be like being in the RAF, so it would be a shame to spend the evening farting myself asleep in a chilly trailer when one has been pampered so.
Not that I'm a fey, effete, corduroy-wearing nonce or anything, but a few sherries in O'town, followed by a nice alfalfa salad and some organic quail's eggs, finished off wth a pleasant night's sleep under a duckdown duvet in the guests quarters at Harper Acres, seems like a perfect end to a lovely, if somewhat long, day. Then the next morning (not too early!) we can load up and set off afresh to Hendriks Field properly rested for the serious task ahead.
PUFF ! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
mgmark
|
|
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2009, 09:50:12 pm » |
|
....Treatment like this must be like being in the RAF....
Yeah.....like right.....pampered.....whatever.....  MG Mark |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." Mario Andretti
|
|
|
|
Perdu
|
|
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2009, 10:28:44 pm » |
|
Blimey Mark, they am pampered Last time I flew in a CH47 we had to stand up and the floor was full of bergens and Gimpys and cases of noisy stuff and a field kitchen the base wallahs had been eating from while we warmed water over hexamine in some woody glade (and the driver, an Amurrican chappie, got lost...)  happy days in a cold war we once had |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"Ha ha you can't a fool me, there ain't a no sanity clause!"
|
|
|
|
Perdu
|
|
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2009, 10:35:52 pm » |
|
Doesnt look wide enough to be a Nerkybird, but the side machinery has me wondering... Things you forget when you get old... Then I remember it was more than thirty years ago, blimey.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"Ha ha you can't a fool me, there ain't a no sanity clause!"
|
|
|
|
Leftie
|
|
« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2009, 11:03:43 pm » |
|
Doesnt look wide enough to be a Nerkybird, but the side machinery has me wondering... Things you forget when you get old... Then I remember it was more than thirty years ago, blimey. At least they get more leg room than any 1st Class on scheduled airlines. Wouldn't mind travelling that way, but where's the heads (loo)? But then again, at approaching 58, I don't like the attire you have to wear. However, I DO SUPPORT THESE HEROES |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 17, 2009, 11:08:26 pm by Leftie »
|
Logged
|
At my age, it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, growing old is compulsary, but growing up is just optional.
I don't do GREEN, I've got a 4x4
|
|
|
|
Matt Harper
|
|
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2009, 02:27:31 am » |
|
Great story Matt, but Christ I hope nobody has to spend the night in the hospital with a Cotton Mouth bite. The Mrs and I will be in residence early Sat morning, I know where to find everyone. This is her first Sebring trip, I don't think she knows what she's in for.
Matt, is little bro coming down? Got a few pints to kill today at Haps, I'll say hi to big Joe for you.
See y'all Saturday
Fax
Hi John Been a long time since I walked the blood-stained floorboards of Haps saloon - I bet it was a rowdy night last night. Please do give Joe my very best wishes - a barman par excellence, his Jack measures are as big as he is. Really looking forward to seeing you at the track - shame you couldn't be there on Friday night for Lee's slide/video show - it would be right up your street - Sebring through the years, from both sides of the fence. It's a star-studded show. See you down here in the sunbelt. Safe travels, Mr and Mrs Fax'n'Figures! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If it\'s good and fast, it won\'t be cheap. If it\'s fast and cheap, it won\'t be good. If it\'s good and cheap, it won\'t be fast.
|
|
|
|
