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Author Topic: The (Unrelated To Le Mans) Joke Thread  (Read 945588 times)
Andy Zarse
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« Reply #615 on: October 27, 2005, 05:39:26 pm »

Isnt it a shame that after two Pope John Pauls, they could not of called the next  Pope, George Ringo.

Some wit said the other day, "It's a tragedy, the Beatles are dying in the wrong order".
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I wouldn't sit there if I were you, it's still a bit wet.
Lawnmower Man
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I'd rather have another Tropillama!


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« Reply #616 on: October 28, 2005, 11:02:16 am »

I know you all love Pikies so you should like this one

* PikeyinaRenault5.wmv (1291.89 KB - downloaded 188 times.)
« Last Edit: May 06, 2008, 11:36:00 am by Lawnmower Man » Logged

La Légend s` écrit sous vos yeux.
Nordic
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« Reply #617 on: October 28, 2005, 02:44:01 pm »

How to name a website without thinking it through properly 


Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:

http://www.whorepresents.com

The Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:

http://www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:

http://www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try:

http://www.therapistfinder.com

There is an Italian Power company:

http://www.powergenitalia.com

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

http://www.molestationnursery.com
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Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better.
H S Thompson 1937 - 2005
Nordic
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« Reply #618 on: October 28, 2005, 02:48:05 pm »

Forty gypsies arrived at the Gates of Heaven.

St Peter said  ''Sorry, we've only got room for 12. You have to decide amongst yourselves who is coming in.''

Five minutes later, St Peter says to God '' They've gone''.

God said '' What, all forty?'' 

St Peter says '' No , the f***ing gates"
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Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better.
H S Thompson 1937 - 2005
amazing 1
Uncle Pervy Welshman
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Male Underwear Super Model Two BEERS Please


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« Reply #619 on: October 28, 2005, 04:22:25 pm »

I know you all love Pikies so you should like this one  http://lemans.tmdg.co.uk/PikeyinRenault5.wmv


LOL !

Looks alot like a trip to Sebring Adventure I had once.
Borrowed a travel trailer sight unseen[way BIGGER than told]
damn near killed us and the truck. LOL!
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TURN 10 "YOUR SPOT IN THE SUN"

GO SHANE GO!!!

GO TEAM IMPALA GO !!!
DavidsDad
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It's too early, switch off the a llama!


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« Reply #620 on: November 01, 2005, 12:25:07 am »

I was really happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.  My friends liked her and encouraged me, my parents and her parents agreed we'd make a fine couple and helped us in every way.   

And my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, and it bothered me very much.  It was her younger sister.  My prospective sister-in-law was stunningly beautiful, twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses.  She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I got there and she said that she had feelings and desires for  me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her big sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm  going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want me, come
up and get me." Shocked

I was stunned. I just froze in shock as I watched her gorgeous ass as she climbed the stairs. Tongue Tongue

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them
down to me!

I stood there for a moment, then turned, opened the door and stepped out of the house and turned towards my car.

Imagine my shock! My future father-in-law was standing outside the house with tears in his eyes!

He hugged me and said, "I am SO happy that you have passed our
little test.  I couldn't ask for better husband for my daughter, and as a reward I'm going to give you $50,000 towards a house for you both.  Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is,

..........




Always keep your condoms in your car.

Wink

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Nordic
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« Reply #621 on: November 01, 2005, 10:08:44 am »

I walked into a public toilet at the services on the M1 today where I
found
two cubicles. One was already occupied so I entered the other one,
closed
the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

Suddenly, a voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how you
doing?"

I thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah,
not
too bad thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what you up to mate?"

Again I answered, although somewhat reluctantly - unsure what to say, I
replied "Umm, just having a quick poo How about yourself?"

I then heard the voice for the third time....

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some d!ckhead in the
loo
next to me answering everything I say
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Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better.
H S Thompson 1937 - 2005
DelBoy
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---TDR---


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« Reply #622 on: November 03, 2005, 10:11:27 pm »

Hot off the press!


Today, David Blunkett has released the following statement:




... . ... .. .... ... .. .... . . . . ..... .. . .. . ... .... . . .
.....
. . . . . . .. . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . .. . . .. . ......
... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ...... . ...... ..... ... .
...... ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . .... . ....... .. ...... .
....... ...... .. . .... .. ....... .... .. ... .. .. . . .... ... . .
........ . . . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... . ... .... ... ... ..
...
.. . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... . . ... . ... .... . . . .
..... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . . . . .. . .
...... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . .... ....... .


 Grin Grin Grin
 
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Rhino
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Team Booze'n'tabs


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« Reply #623 on: November 03, 2005, 10:21:28 pm »

An expert in wasps walks past a second hand record shop when he notices in the window a record on the sounds of different kinds of wasps. Excitedly he goes in and asks if he can listen to it.
The owner plays the first track and the wasp expert looks puzzled, not recognising it he listens to a couple of tracks with the same result.
The owner looks at the record and apologetically says to  the expert,
'Im sorry its on the bee side'.
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Never argue with an idiot, they'll only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
jpchenet
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« Reply #624 on: November 04, 2005, 09:38:40 am »

Sorry Cat Lovers!!



* freecat.jpg (23.83 KB, 500x341 - viewed 395 times.)
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Rhino
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« Reply #625 on: November 05, 2005, 11:16:05 pm »

Women: if you must walk down the street yawning, be aware that men passing you will mentally place their knob in your gob. Sorry, that's just the way it is. Be aware.
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tink
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I'm a llama!


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« Reply #626 on: November 09, 2005, 01:19:45 am »

A man and his wife are invited to a halloween mascarade party...So the husband begins to get dressed in his costume, as he asks his wife "arent u goin with me?", the wife replys no i feel under the weather...So the husband finishes the final touches on his costume and put his mask on...As he walks out the door his wife jumps out of bed and puts on a second costume she bought to fool her man..She dresses swiftly and soon arrives at the party..Looking around she see's her husband flirting with other women..She plays it off and aproaches him....Whispering in his ear erotic sexual tendancies...After a few drinks shes offers to have sex with him...and he agrees, so as they enter an empty room she refuses to keep the lights off, in order to hide her identity...After some pationate kissing and oral sex, they proceed to have the wildest sex she had ever encountered....Hours later they both part ways...And she sneeks back home waiting to hear a much suspected lie....Minutes later the husband arrives home, she pretends to be asleep, eagerly asking him "so, how was the party".. He answers "it was boring so me and the guys played some poker all night"..."well that sounds interesting" says the wife...The husband lays down and hugs her from behind, then he says "Oh, and by the way, i ran into your father and let him borrow my costume because he spilled wine on his".........
« Last Edit: November 09, 2005, 01:24:44 am by tink » Logged
Nordic
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« Reply #627 on: November 09, 2005, 12:03:18 pm »

Message from Osama


After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
on TV, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the
letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides
had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it
at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6
cabled the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding
the message upside down."
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Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better.
H S Thompson 1937 - 2005
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« Reply #628 on: November 09, 2005, 02:24:35 pm »

It's an old one - but I don't remember seeing it here before...

A young lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

The manager liked the boy so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The boy said "One."

The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£101,237.64." The boy replied.

The manager choked and exclaimed "£101,237.64? What the >hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook
and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said.........'Well, since your weekend's screwed, you might as well go fishing.
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Martini...LB
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Not even stirring...


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« Reply #629 on: November 09, 2005, 09:03:47 pm »

Message from Osama


After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
on TV, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the
letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides
had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it
at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6
cabled the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding
the message upside down."


Hi Nordic

Just thinkinng this would be a great number plate

Hope you are keeping well

Martini...
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l'abus d'alcool est dangereux pour la santé , à consommer avec modération
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