Andy, have you considered an alternative therapy for the Commers ailments?
I was browsing a workshop manual the other day by Jack 'Swarfega' Chopra that recommended a more non invasive approach.
Park the Commer facing East at dawn and start with a little light chanting. You will need to be dressed in saffron robes, and a large piece of quartz inserted as far up your a*se as you can bear without weeping, will help no end. It'll be handy to have close by a paraffin lamp, some rubber gloves and about half a litre of Karma.
Dust (I'm paraphrasing from the manual here) the transmission and steering rack with fairy crystals blessed by the great Mystic Wizard Merlin (you should find him at most Kwik-Fit outlets). A holistic approach should help with the holes in the sills. Mix about 5 grams of Exchange and Mart granules with about 2000L of distilled water, extract about 5g of this solution, and repeat. Stir this into a huge amount of Isopon with a Chakra stick and inject directly into the sill. Hum a little song, preferably by George Harrison. Install a few druids in the Commers Inner Space and leave them to summon up the God of Glastonbury.
Re-submit to your local MOT station, but don't speak. Hold your hands together in a praying pose and just nod and smile serenely to all his questions. Finally, remove the crystal from your backside before it does some real damage.
It worked with me.
H
I'm prepared to try anything once, although I'm mighty sceptical. I haven't got any quartz crystals and Halfords have run out, so will a piece of jagged glass do the trick? They did have Gunson's Mechanic's Wode and a natty little pine scented air freshener cum Dream Catcher thingy which I'm giving a try out to. I'd also hoped the Commer's ability to self project itself into a shimmering chimera of a new Iveco Turbo Daily would have helped fool the MOT tester but he just muttered a mystic phrase and blew some sandalwood incense into the cab and the image was lost.
Unfortunately the Inner Space is full, inhabited by tools, tow rope, spare inner tube, evil spirits, incubus, succubus etc. I especially enjoy the succubus which comes out when parked near a strong layline.
In summary then, holistic is good as you pass the WHOLE MOT test. Glad the Jagwah made it through but, if your suggestion works, I'll eat my dhoti!
